One Shots
by jamieandeddie4ever
Summary: A collection of one shots in which I either expand on an episode and share what I would have liked to have seen or an AU fic that has been on my mind forever and I just need to put down on paper and share. I wanted to have a central location for all of the one shots I'm hoping to write...so hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

_**One Shots**_

 _ **Installment 1**_

 _ **Partners**_

 _ **Hello fellow Jamko fans! One Shots will be one shot stories of ideas that have come into my mind and I can't stop thinking about until I get them out on paper (AU Fics). Or from episodes from BB that I change or add on to. It all depends on what mood strikes me. I will keep them all in one central location for easy access and for easy reading. As always, my disclaimer, I don't own BB nor do I want to. I don't own the characters, I just love Jamko and want to do them justice in an alternate reality.**_

 _ **This first One Shot will be from Season 6 – Episode 12 I believe (Cursed). It will start after the fight in the car – Jamie defending Renzulli and Eddie wanting to at least file a union grievance.**_

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

"Enough Janko. Please." Jamie uttered frustrated and upset at her. Why couldn't she see things his way? Why couldn't she trust that he knew Renzulli and that he was not a dirty cop. Something was happening and he wanted to find out what. He wanted to help Renzulli if he could and Eddie wanted to call the rat squad. She was a straight shooter and in any other situation he would be on board with her. Why couldn't she see that Renzulli and he had a history? A history that had to count for something.

"So you're siding with him?" Eddie said. It wasn't even a question It was a statement. Jamie believed in Renzulli so much. She just didn't know. After her father's betrayal, everything seemed suspicious to her. And Renzulli was acting weird and Jamie was willing to go to bat for him. And it seemed that he didn't even care what she had to say or think about it. Maybe she wasn't as important to Jamie as Renzulli. Renzulli had been his TO after all. Maybe she was second best. Whatever.

"I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Same as I'd do for you." He exclaimed glancing over at her and trying to make her understand. As frustrated as he was at her, he really didn't want to fight. This situation was already volatile enough. And he needed his partner with him. He needed her help to figure it out. Was he digging in his heels? Yes. Because he knew he was right.

"Except I'm your partner." She snapped back. What the fuck?! She was so annoyed. She didn't even want to talk about this anymore. She was done. Jamie had shut her down. He didn't even hear her valid concerns. When Jamie got something in his mind there was no force of nature – not even her – that could change his mind. She could fight him and be unreasonable but no. It would just turn into a shouting match. And she was too tired and sad quite frankly.

"We'll just go find Derrick and see what he has to say about this. Okay?" He said, as he glanced at her once more. Maybe if she went along with him, she would see that he was right about Renzulli. He just needed her to be on his side. They were at odds so infrequently. It pained him to have this stress over them. But he couldn't back down. He wouldn't. She was so inflexible on some issues.

Eddie looked down and slowly shook her head. "No. Jamie. We. Won't." she stated as she looked him in the eye with regret. It had come to this. She was taking a stand. She was supposed to support her partner. But in this instance, she didn't agree. There was something wrong about this whole scenario. Jamie wanted to defend Renzulli and not listen to her concerns? He was going to have to figure this out on his own. As much as that broke her heart.

Hearing Eddie tell him no hit him hard in the gut. And if he was honest with himself, it hurt him. He never asked her to follow him blindly. He wanted her to have an opinion. But she had just broken his heart. Yes. He was taking this personally. He looked at her for a few seconds, neither wavering from their stare. Then they both looked away from each other ending the fight. Jamie shook his head as he focused on the road and didn't say another word.

They arrived at the precinct after their shift. They had barely said two words to one another in the remaining hour they had on patrol. Thankfully no calls had come in. As soon as Jamie parked, Eddie was out the door. He didn't even call after her. What was the point?

Maybe they needed to give each other a cooling period.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie closed his locker and made his way to the door. He needed to find Eddie. They had not spoken in two days. His hands had itched to send her a text but he stopped himself. He had been occupied with finding Derrick and then getting the full story from Renzulli. He was dying to tell her. So she could see that they fought for no reason. That it was going to work out hopefully and that soon they would be back on patrol together. Tomorrow to be exact.

He saw her coming down the hall and he ran to catch up to her. "Hey. Janko." Jamie called out reaching her in three steps.

Eddie stopped and turned to look at him. "Hey." She couldn't lie to herself. She had missed him and she hated that they were mad at each other. But maybe they could hash things out today. "Find Derrick the other night?" she asked, really not able to contain the roll of her eyes.

Jamie noticed it but decided to let it go. He nodded his head and looked at her intently. "Yeah. And the rest of the story." He was ready to tell her everything. "Turns out…" Jamie started but was immediately interrupted by Renzulli. "Reagan let's do this."

Eddie turned around and saw Renzulli standing by his door. She turned back to Jamie and asked: "What's that about?" But she kind of knew already. She just wanted to hear Jamie say it.

"Sarge is going to hit the field…so he and I…"

"Are going to get the band back together." Eddie finished for him with a half of a smile. She didn't notice that her demeanor said it all. She didn't have to tell Jamie that she was upset that she was not riding with him. Especially after they had not talked in two days. And now it was going to be three days because she was sure she would not see him today either. She had to go and see who she was riding with today. May as well get it over with.

"Just for today." Jamie said, as his heart sank at her expression. God. He just needed this case to be over. So Eddie and he could talk and be on the same page again. He didn't feel himself when she was mad at him. To be nothing but honest he stopped being mad at her since that first night. And he realized that he missed her.

"Oh. Okay." He heard her say, as she shook her head sadly.

"Eddie…" Jamie started, and advanced towards her a bit. Just a bit. He couldn't touch her the way he wanted to in the middle of the precinct.

"It's fine. Jamie it's fine." She said, looking him square in the eye and walking away from him. He turned around and his gaze followed her wanting nothing more than to go after her. But he squashed that feeling. "Come on. Let's go." Eddie heard Renzulli say as she walked away from them.

"Ready when you are Sarge." Jamie retorted and jogged towards him. There was nothing he could do now to fix this with Eddie. He was going to have to put it to the back of his mind and deal with it after shift. But they were going to deal with it. He was done hurting her feelings. And he was done fighting with her. And he would see to it that she was done as well.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie got into the car with Renzulli and Renzulli turned to him. "I want to thank you for helping me."

"No problem Sarge."

"I know Janko is pissed. I could see it."

"Yeah." There was no use denying it.

"You can tell her you know. What's going on."

"I wanted to. But there was no time."

"Why wasn't she with you the night you went looking for Derrick? You guys are practically tied at the hip."

"She turned me down." Jamie said honestly. "She doesn't know anything and this smelled fishy to her so she wanted nothing to do with it."

"Yeah. This is fucked up. And I know it's my fault."

"Eddie has a talent for putting people in line. She did it with me the other day. I wanted her to follow me blindly but she stood her ground and she kept it above board."

"She's a good egg." Renzulli stated.

"She's the best partner I've ever had." Jamie admitted. "No offense Sarge." Jamie said, as he smiled.

"None taken."

"I hate it when she's mad at me. I don't feel right, you know?" Jamie blurted out. It was true. What he had told Eddie. Renzulli and he were friends. He could tell him this and be sure he wouldn't use it against him.

"That's the measure of a good partner. You trust her with your life. And vice versa. That's huge. You guys got a great partnership going. I hope I didn't ruin it."

"We'll be good." Jamie said. "As soon as I talk to her and tell her everything. Eddie doesn't do well with secrets."

"Then let's finish this Reagan. So you can get back to your partner." Renzulli said.

Jamie couldn't of put it better himself.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

"How's Renzulli doing?" Eddie asked Jamie as they were walking away from the real perp. Now that she knew most of the story she felt bad. Losing such a close friend had to hit Renzulli hard.

"I'm okay." Renzulli called out.

"Sarge I'm really sorry about your friend." Eddie said, truthfully.

"Thanks." Renzulli answered and looked straight at her. He pointed his finger at her and said: "I need to say sorry to you to for uh…" He said, and looked at Jamie and then at Janko. "For causing problems between you and Reagan."

"That doesn't matter." Eddie pointed out.

Jamie agreed and nodded his head as he said: "No Sarge."

"No it matters. And the first thing tomorrow morning I'm going to the CO and telling him how I screwed up. And Janko I want you with me to corroborate it."

"Me?" Eddie asked, confused.

"Yeah. Too many friends covering up for one another lately. I need an impartial voice. At least that's the way that he put it." Renzulli said, looking over at Jamie.

"Hey all I said is that you have a talent for keeping people in line." Jamie stated as he looked at Eddie.

"And that you're the best partner he's ever had."

Eddie stood straighter at hearing those words. Renzulli would never know how much they meant to her. They words were everything.

"Bright and early Janko." Renzulli called out as he walked away from them. It was the least he could do towards helping them mend fences. He wasn't stupid. He knew that they had something special. But he also knew that they were holding out in order to stay partners. But he had an inkling that it wouldn't be too much longer before they got their heads out of their ass.

Eddie turned to Jamie with a smirk on her face. "Get outta here…" she heard Jamie utter as he rolled his eyes.

He always knew it. But his heart lifted a little bit as he saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Eddie and he wouldn't be fighting anymore. Jamie heard her chuckle behind him. Leave it to Renzulli to spill the beans on what he had said about Eddie.

Jamie turned to her and stopped, letting Eddie reach him. "We good?" he asked her as he approached the men's locker room.

Eddie looked a him and nodded as she continued to walk. "We're good." Eddie said. "See you tomorrow partner."

Jamie saw her walk away from him. He shook his head and went into the locker room.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Eddie was laying on her couch watching the news. She heard her phone ring and saw that it was Jamie. "Hello?" she said, as she picked up the phone.

"Hey…" he said, softly. "I just…yeah…uhm…well I wanted to say I was sorry."

"For what?" Eddie asked.

"For our fight. For me being angry at you in the RMP a few days ago."

Eddie smiled. This was her Jamie. "I'm sorry too." She said. "For not believing you. For thinking and saying that you sided with Renzulli instead of me."

"It's okay Eddie. I know you take some things more personally because it takes you a longer time to trust. I should have been more sensitive. Do you truly believe it?"

"Believe what?"

"That I would take someone else's side over yours?"

Eddie thought about it. She wanted to be honest with him. This was the time to do that. She sighed into the phone. "When we fight…" she admitted… "it makes me feel that my concerns are not important. Sometimes…" she says. "Not all the time. There are times that I know that I'm the one being difficult. And stubborn. But this fight Jamie? I felt that Renzulli's honor meant more to you than my concerns over him doing something wrong. Potentially a violation of our patrol guide. I may have jumped the gun with IAB but you shut me down completely."

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way Eddie. It wasn't my intention. Renzulli is important to me and in my gut, I knew that he had a reason for what he was doing. I flew off the handle as I sometimes do and I did shut you down."

"Well I'm sorry for not going with you. I am your partner and I should have gone with you. I didn't go because I was pissed off at you and I wanted to…I don't know…make you see that you needed me if I wasn't around. It's silly I know."

"I do need you Eddie. If I don't tell you enough…I am happy that you're my partner. We've put so many things on hold for the sake of it." He said, knowing they were going into dangerous territory. "Renzulli is important to me. And he is a good friend. But you? Not riding with you is something I can't fathom." Jamie said, his heart in his sleeve.

Tears sprung to her eyes and she said: "Cause I'm the best partner you've ever had."

She heard Jamie chuckle. "Yes. It's true, ok? Can we move on?"

"Jamie…as much as I drive you crazy and as much as you drive me crazy…please know there is no one else I'd rather be partnered with. And you're right – we have put a lot of conversations on hold for the sake of our partnership. You're so important to me. Please know that. I may fly off the handle but don't give up on me. Please?" _**Because I love you.**_

"Never…" Jamie said softly. _**Because I love you.**_

"Good night, partner." Eddie said.

"Good night, partner. See you tomorrow. And we'll go for some ribs after."

"Somehow you know just what to say…." Eddie said, as she quietly hung up.

They both sighed a huge sigh of relief. They were okay now. And truthfully that was all that mattered.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**One Shots**_

 _ **Installment 2**_

 _ **Confessions**_

 _ **This is a scene that I would love to see happen in Season 9.**_

Jamie was sitting down on the couch watching TV with Eddie curled up, head in his lap, as he was stroking her hair. He didn't know if he could be happier than he was today. The only thing that would make his life perfect was if Eddie was already his wife and they still were partners on the job. And that no one cared to fuck with them because of it. But they were far from that. And being at odds with so many people had him on edge, frustrated and stressed out. It was these quiet moments, when he and Eddie were alone, even not speaking, just watching TV, that he lived for. Behind the closed door of either of their apartments, he felt like he could let it all out and just be. Be happy and over the moon because finally – after years of wanting her and loving her from afar – he was finally able to voice it to her and to the world.

He had no regrets about asking her to marry him. He had no regrets about finally telling her how he really felt. He had no regrets about telling her how much he loved her and for how long. Five years of being in each other's lives and of having pent up feelings and emotions had been a hell of a roller coaster ride. They had laughed, they had fought, they had ripped into each other more times than he could count. There were times (mutually) that they wanted nothing to do with the other. And even thought – if only briefly – about ending their partnership. With no thought about being together after the dissolvement of their partnership. But in the end, it was there – no matter how much they tried to deny it – the love was there on both ends. Jealousy was the first thing he noticed after the first year they started riding together. It only grew worse as time went by and he had denied it to himself – and hurt her in the process – when she would admit it and he would deflect. But no more. He couldn't hurt her or himself truth be told. Every time that she would look at him with love in her eyes, and he had to look away, it was like he was stabbing himself in the heart. And each time he denied them it killed him. Each time more painful than the next. Loving her was like breathing to Jamie.

He was fighting like hell to have them stay together and so was she. They had gotten some slack from other officers but the 12th had quickly come around. They were genuinely happy for them, congratulated them and they even hung out with them after work. He wasn't too concerned about them. He was more concerned with the brass and the Commissioner at 1 PP. It had been a few weeks since they had announced their engagement at Sunday dinner and while Frank was happy when he was in his Dad role, when it came to the Commissioner role, he did not subscribe to the notion that they should ride together because there was no rule. And no matter how much cajoling both he and Eddie had tried, Frank was unflinching. He knew his dad was stubborn. But so was he.

"Babe…" she heard Eddie call out to him. "I can hear the gears in your head turning." She finished as she smiled. Leave it to Jamie to think about things, when finally, after a few days of non-stop tours and working long hours, they finally had a break to themselves.

He smiled slightly, coming back to the present, and leaning down to kiss her temple. "I'm just thinking about everything." Jamie confessed. She could read him like a book – even when he was silent.

"Can we take a break? From thinking?" Eddie asked. "I'm watching the movie but I can sense that you're not." Eddie paused the movie and sat up – she knew better than to ask Jamie to stop thinking about things. "What's up?"

"Not that I'm not enjoying this part our relationship." Jamie started. "The one where everything is still new and we can't get enough of each other." Jamie says, as he pulls her in for a quick kiss on the lips. "But sometimes I wish that we were already married and that everyone was just okay with us remaining partners until one of us moves on. Or both of us."

Eddie nodded her head and inched closer to him. "I want that too." She admitted. "But Jamie, we can't wallow in this. It will drive us crazy. We are together. We are in love. We're practically living together. We're getting married. It can't be all paradise, now can it?" She semi-joked. "I mean what fun would that be?"

"It just makes me wonder if doing things, the right way, was worth it." Jamie said. That thought had plagued him for a while now. Probably since they decided to be together and shortly after to get married.

"What do you mean?" Eddie asked.

"I mean…" Jamie started. "I could have acted on my feelings one year into our partnership."

Eddie scrunched up her face and let him go on. She knew he had a point to make and she wanted to let him make it.

"The day you told me it was our one-year anniversary. The day I wailed on that guy that pushed you to the ground. Erin that day made me realize that I had feelings for you. She told me that I had to decide if I wanted you to stay my partner or to explore those feelings – these feelings that have only gotten stronger."

"I knew I liked Erin for a reason. So, she's known for a while?" Eddie asked.

"Yes."

"Well let's see…the first time I think I ever had an inkling of being attracted to you was with Dana." Eddie admitted.

"Really?" Jamie said, as he laughed. "Janko we were like a few months into our partnership. That was before my talk with Erin."

"I know." Eddie said, as she rolled her eyes. "It wasn't something that registered in its entirety. It was just a feeling of…how can I explain it…of…"

Jamie was enjoying seeing Eddie struggle for words. It rarely happened. But he knew what she was feeling. He had felt it too. "Of Dana being in 'our' space – it just seemed wrong." Jamie said, trying to help her out. "Like for us it was sacred territory. Our precinct."

"Yes!" Eddie said, as she hit her knees. "Yes. Exactly. Like what is she doing here? This is my space. I didn't really admit that it was jealousy but it certainly made me see you in a different light. Not just as my partner." Eddie confessed.

Jamie nodded his head: "I felt it when we were at the bar that night and Dana told me that you were great. I agreed with her and then she told me that you were pretty too. I tried telling her that it wasn't like that with you and me. That I counted on you to have my back. And that we couldn't let feelings get in the way of things. But I found myself looking back at you and you looked so pretty. I knew then that something had shifted. And in the pit of my stomach, I knew I was in trouble. But like you it didn't register quite yet."

"Back then it was easy to push it away as a momentary reaction. A fleeting attraction."

"Yep."

"Then the double date happened…" Eddie said and laughed, remembering the four of them at the bar.

"I never wanted to be set up with Hayley. I didn't want to set you up with Spenc." Jamie told her.

"Well neither of those dates worked." Eddie said, with a twinkle in her eye.

"And that kiss?" Jamie prodded. "I can blame it on the alcohol and I did – for a while. But truth be told, I knew what I was doing. I had wanted to kiss you for a while."

"I wanted you to come upstairs with me." Eddie admitted. "And I confess that I would have invited you up if you hadn't stopped the kiss. You pulled back. And I got the hint."

"I didn't want to." Jamie told her, as he touched her arm and gently rubbed it. This is what he meant about him rejecting her and hurting her. When he felt the same exact way. And she had had no clue about it.

"Yet you did." She said, a bit sadly.

"Eddie my emotions were all fucked up. Spencer made me see that night that I was lying to myself. That when I said I saw you like a sister I was trying to put some distance between us. And I owe Spence for not making a move on you because it would have killed me."

"He didn't even try to stand close to me when Hayley and I came back from the bathroom. And truth be told I was a bit relieved."

"He said, bro code. He wasn't going near you for the rest of the night. Because even though I had not admitted it to myself, Spence knew that I was falling in love with you."

"Hayley basically told me the same thing in the bathroom. In a nutshell, to stop fighting it and just admit that you were important to me and that I was developing feelings for you."

"That kiss…if I'm honest stayed with me a long time. It actually still does."

"Then the doc…" Eddie rolled her eyes. "Dana, the Doc, both brunette. I thought you had a type Reagan. And I found myself really thinking that the kiss had been the alcohol. Because not only had you already told me that I wasn't your type, you also proved it to me with the Doc. Both Dana and Jen were brunette and stunning."

"I did." Jamie admitted as he shrugged his shoulders. "At least I thought I did."

"I'm not exactly your type huh?" Eddie pressed. She wanted to hear him say it. That he had changed his mind or that all along he had been wrong about his type. It was silly. It was insecurity, maybe. But she loved him. However, if she thought about it rationally, she also had told him that he was not her type. And that was also true in the beginning.

"You're the only one for me honey. No one else compares. Type or not. And hey I wasn't your type either." Jamie deadpanned.

"Boy scout…" Eddie whispers, as she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him softly. "But you're my boy scout. No one else's."

"Always and forever shorty."

"I'm kind of glad we are taking this trip down memory lane. Maybe now I can truly tell you how I felt about some of the things we hid back then."

"Me too." Jamie said, as he turned Eddie around so he could lay her back against his chest. "How about breakfast sandwich?"

"How about Tara?"

"Ugh…Tara was nothing. You know that."

"I was still jealous of her."

Jamie laughed. "Yeah. That you were."

"I wanted to poke her eyes out."

"And mine."

"And yours." She acknowledged, as she laughed.

"I hated yuppy breakfast sandwich guy."

Eddie just chuckled and shook her head side to side. "Why? He left me because he couldn't handle me being a cop."

"You liked him. A lot." Jamie said.

"I did like him." Eddie admitted. "At that point you and I had decided to keep things professional and he was a nice guy. But Jamie…" Eddie said, as she reached her hand up and stroked his head, bringing it closer to hers. "I thought of you even when I was with him."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. I knew by then that I was in love with you. I just thought you valued our partnership more than you valued the possibility of being with me."

"I was in love with you, way before that day. And it wasn't that I valued it more. It was that I could have figured out how to have both. Not having you in the RMP with me and having someone else take care of you? I couldn't fathom it. And I know you hate it when I go all protector on you but it's beyond me, all right? I know things can happen with or without me there but look at how you saved my life? You just knew I was in trouble. And I was and because of that you saved me. So that connection? You wouldn't have it with anyone else. And I couldn't lose you. Even if I had to sacrifice us, and kill me – and you – in the process."

"I know that." Eddie admitted. "It was just so tough to believe in our love after so many years. So, I settled. Or thought I did. And kept going out with people. Because you would never, ever, want me."

"Oh Eddie…" he whispered. "I did want you. So much. And that's what I mean – when I told you I didn't know if doing things, the right way, was worth it. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"Yeah." Eddie said, wistfully. "But you were hurting too. And I know that now." She decides to keep things on track with their conversation. She had a feeling that Jamie was lashing himself with guilt at making her suffer and she didn't want to dwell on it. They were happy now. "And that date with his sister? I didn't want you to go because I was afraid you'd like her. And then when you told her where you lived and that she should look by you. Fuck that. I was on the defensive immediately. And how she fawned over you? After we took those perps down? Hell. No. You weren't getting close to her if I had anything to say about it."

Jamie knew exactly what she was doing and he was grateful. He was going to take the out because in reality, knowing how much he hurt her, pained him. He knew she was sad and suffered when he had been so ambivalent about them. Understanding now how deep that hurt went, well it just killed him. He never wanted to put her through that pain again.

"How about Walsh? And how mad you were with me that I decided to ride with her? That wasn't jealousy, was it?"

"Different type I guess." Eddie admitted. "God I was so angry at you."

"She had a raw deal Eddie and if I could make it better, why not help her out?"

"I apologized to her." Eddie defended. "Granted I was a bitch to her when I first saw her but I came around. All of the 12th did. And then Jen happened, the damn Doc." Eddie said, as she rolled her eyes. "I was so jealous!"

"But you didn't call it jealousy." Jamie said, amused as he chuckled.

"Shut up!" Eddie said, as she slapped him in the arm playfully. "I wanted you to stay with me that night. Cancel with her and stay with me, that's what I wanted."

"I wanted to stay." Jamie admitted. "But what I said was true. What we had back then was undefined. I was flying without the instruments. Besides, how could I have canceled 20 minutes before dinner?"

"Before your date you mean." Eddie said, with a scoff.

"It was just dinner." Jamie repeated what he had told her that night.

"It was a date."

"Okay…" Jamie said, as he hugged her closer to him. "All right…but you told me to go and have fun. That I didn't need your permission." He teased her.

"Oh…hoh." She said, as she laughed. "You're treading a fine line Reagan."

"Hey, hey, hey…" Jamie said. "You know perfectly well that the look I gave you after you said I didn't need your permission was an opening for you to tell me right then and there that you didn't want me to go. That I should stay with you. But you didn't. You told me to go."

"Cards on the table…" Eddie said, "Would you have stayed? If I had, had the balls to tell you that I wanted you to stay?"

Jamie blew out a breath and thought about it. "I would have loved to. But I don't think that I would have." He said, honestly. "I'm not that guy Eddie." Jamie confessed. "The guy that stands up a girl. It wasn't her fault that I was into you and would prefer to stay with you. But I would have told you that I would be back later that night. I would have come back."

"After letting her down easy?"

"Probably." Jamie confirmed. "It was over after that night anyway."

"Really?"

"Yes. I couldn't look at her without thinking of you and your face. And your acknowledgment that you requested another partner for a day because you needed distance from me. Not gonna lie. That one hurt."

"Like the Walsh one hurt me."

Jamie nodded. "Okay. You got a point."

"I know, technically, it's not the same. I knew you weren't into Walsh but you knew it would hurt me that you requested to ride with her for a few days and didn't even consult me."

"I didn't want to fight."

Now it was Eddie's turn to laugh. "Come on Jamie…really? What did you think would happen when I found out? You think I was going to magically get over it because we didn't discuss it? Pffttt...we still sort of fought."

"If Kara hadn't interrupted it would have escalated to a full-blown fight in front of everyone at the 12th."

"Yep." Eddie confirmed. "You dumped me and didn't even tell me."

"Well you didn't want me back after. You wanted to stay partnered with Regetti. You flipped for me AND then when you lost you wanted to make it two out of three. And I didn't dump you. I had every intention of riding with you the week after and the rest of our tenure if I had anything to say about it. And I would have found a way to make it up to you."

"Mmmmm….hmmmmm." Eddie said, as she rolled her eyes.

"All right. All right." Jamie laughed. "I'm sorry. I love you. I'm with you now and you have nothing to worry about ever. I'm all yours."

"Prove it." She said, as she sat up and turned herself around to face him.

"Come here…" he said, as he cradled her face and kissed her. "I don't want anyone else." He said, as he kissed her one more time. "You're all I will ever want or need." One more kiss. "I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you." One more. "Every transgression that I made against you I will make you forget. I'm yours, babe. No other woman makes me feel like you do."

Eddie pulled back from his last kiss and touched her forehead to his. "I love you Jameson Reagan. I always will."

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**One Shots**_

 _ **Installment 3**_

 _ **It Could Have Been You…**_

 _ **This fan fic has been swirling in my head since I saw the deleted scene between Jamie and Eddie in the hospital when she got shot. So many possibilities with that scene. It could be made into a full fic or a one shot. I decided to start with the One Shot. If it gets to be too much (in my head) maybe I can start a multi fan fic but for now I hope you enjoy this. I know a lot of you have been asking me for updates on my other fics. I promise I will get to them. I am having a bit of writer's block but I am hoping that soon that will no longer be an issue. For now, I hope you enjoy this one shot. Please let me know your thoughts.**_

 _ **I love Blue Bloods – I do not own the show, the characters or their wonderful writing. I just love writing my own fics for them with my own ideas. And love to share what I would like to see transpire between them. There are so many things that I wanted to see in the Season 9 Premiere so I thought why not write fic to hold me over till we get some emotion from Jamie on the actual show.**_

 _ **So without further ado.**_

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Eddie looked at the doctor with a look of boredom and frustration. All she wanted – at this very moment – was to put her clothes on and get the hell out of the hospital. She was in pain, she had to admit it to herself at least, but she was alive and she would be damned if they made her stay here for one more minute. There was a dead cop in the morgue. She would not make herself the victim when Dunleevy's family was going through such a hard time. She wanted no unnecessary attention on her. The sooner she jetted home, the sooner she would be able to nurse her wounds in peace and in the sanctity of her own apartment. The most predominant pain she could feel was around her rib area so she was guessing that she either had a bruised rib or a broken one.

"You have blunt force trauma, soft tissue damage from the impact…" The doctor started and was quickly interrupted: "I'm fine…" Eddie spat out, as she attempted to not roll her eyes. She wasn't even sure if she had succeeded in having the doctor believe she was fine to go home. But she was adamant. She wanted to leave and they could not hold her without her consent. She knew that much.

"And a broken rib." She heard the doctor finalize. Ah…the verdict was that it was indeed broken. It seemed like a knife was slowly stabbing her in the ribs. Dammit! But she sure as hell wasn't going to admit that to the doctor. "Can I get dressed now?" Eddie questioned instead, trying to get herself up off the bed. And failing miserably.

"Actually, we'd like to keep you overnight for observation." The doctor called out.

"No." Eddie said immediately and heard at the same time Jamie utter: "Yes."

 _ **What the fuck?**_ Both of them thought at the same time and both of them were going to argue their points. Even if there was a doctor in the room. The stare down between the two of them did not go unnoticed. At this point, Jamie just wanted her to shut up and listen to the doctor's instructions. If he had to hold her down and handcuff her to the bed he would. She was not leaving this hospital. Especially not with a broken rib. What if she had internal bleeding? Didn't they have to monitor that?

Jamie was brought back to the present: "Oh…are you two…" the doctor asked, as she pointed to the two of them and looked at Eddie. Eddie turned to look at Jamie and then the doctor and responded: "No."

Eddie knew deep inside knew that wasn't the whole truth. But she wasn't going to get into it now. And if she admitted that feelings were there…well hell. She wasn't staying anyway. Even if Jamie fought her. They could deal with each other and their anger somewhere else. She knew that Jamie was feigning for a fight. And she also knew that it stemmed from his fear.

Jamie in turn just scrunched his face and pursed his lips. All he wanted to do right now was tell the doctor that yes – they were involved. He was totally and completely in love with her and he couldn't tell her. But that didn't mean that he did not worry about her. Or that he would let her step out of this hospital room if the doctor thought it prudent for her to stay overnight for observation. He was not negotiating over this issue. She had been shot at. If the vest hadn't protected her, God knows what would have happened. She could've died herself. He was not taking any more chances with her life.

"I'll be back." The doctor said as she headed towards the door. There was definitely something there with them two and she wasn't going to stick around to speculate. She only hoped that her partner – her boyfriend or whatever he was – could convince her to stay overnight. It would be in her best interest.

Jamie watched the doctor leave and followed with his gaze. Once he saw and heard the door shut he turned to Eddie. His look said it all. It was angry, frustrated, full of pain. "Eddie what's wrong with you?" he questioned. Why didn't she want to stay overnight? He was almost sure that she was in pain. He could tell by checking her movements.

"Me? What's wrong with you?" Eddie retorted back, frustrated as hell.

"Why are you being so difficult?" He said, tight lipped. She drove him crazy. But this wasn't the time to be difficult. She was staying overnight. He would see to that. Even if he had to fight her all night long. She was not leaving today. Where were his handcuffs? He knew his thoughts seemed to be on repeat but he didn't care. It only confirmed to him how much tunnel vision he had when it came to her and her safety.

"Look I get it. You already lost one partner in the line of duty." Eddie said. She truly did understand Jamie's fear. But she was all right and he had to know that nothing would come of her staying in the hospital. This incident was over. She couldn't promise him that there wouldn't be other incidents but this particular one? It was done and buried. At least for her.

"This isn't about Vinny." Jamie spat out. Vinny – losing Vinny – was tough and he had gone through a tumultuous time but this didn't compare to that. No way. Losing Eddie would be inconceivable. Why couldn't she see that? _**Because you still haven't told her how you feel. And because of that she doesn't understand your fears. She knows you have them – they're reflected in her face – but she thinks your concern is about your partner. Not about the woman you love.**_

"The reality is I got a few bruises…" Eddie was about to continue but Jamie interrupted her: "And a broken rib!" he uttered, harsher and louder than he had intended. But it was out there. His abject fear of losing her. And he was not taking it back. He was not going to back down. She looked pale to him. She didn't look healthy or strong enough to walk out. If a night in observation would give her some color back then she had to stay. For his own piece of mind if not hers.

"Well I'm not gonna lie here and act like I'm mortally wounded when there's a dead cop in the morgue." Eddie finally voiced her fear – and her guilt – if she was honest.

"You don't get it Eddie. That dead cop could have been you." Jamie said, hearing his own voice crack. For the tenth time: Why didn't she get it? How deathly afraid he was of losing her? Not only because she was his partner but because she had become the single most important thing in his life. He could not lose her. And while his mind registered that she no longer was in mortal danger. She had been a few hours ago. And he needed reassurances from her. And what he was getting were denial and stubbornness. And he needed to walk away from her. Maybe before he said something that he might regret.

"But it wasn't…" Eddie pointed out and finally shut up when she saw his face. Really saw it. He was afraid. He was in pain and he was holding back his feelings. But she finally saw them. And once she did her anger and frustration started to melt away. Jamie was not only concerned about her. He was afraid of losing her. And that fear had not gone away. While he knew – because he was seeing her – that she would be okay, his mind and his heart still were back in that stairwell.

Jamie licked his lips and rolled his eyes. He couldn't talk to her right now. He couldn't deal with her fighting him on something as important as her staying in the hospital for observation. And he couldn't stay in this room one second longer. He needed some air. He shook his head at her sadly and he made his way to the door. He needed a few minutes alone.

Eddie saw him leave and wanted to call out to him but she didn't. She could read him so well and understood that he needed some air and a break from her. She would stay. For him. She wanted to go home and she wasn't happy about staying but Jamie needed her to stay even though he would not voice it out loud. She would tell the doctor and then she would let Jamie know. Maybe then he could sleep tonight. And of course, she knew that it was the right thing to do. Even though she was against it. But she would stay – one night – and have Jamie breathe easier.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie was outside Eddie's door. As mad and frustrated as he was with her, he still couldn't make himself leave. He sat down on the floor and didn't make a sound. He would just sit here and give himself a few minutes and would go back in the room and try again. Jamie heard his phone and knew a text from Eddie had come in from the text tone: _Come back in the room please._

Jamie rolled his eyes…how did she know he was this close? He didn't even reply. He got up from the floor and opened her door still slightly annoyed. They could read each other like a book. Both knew they were mad at each other – they just needed to voice why. And it seemed they were going to hash it out right now. So be it.

Eddie was the first to speak: "Jamie…talk to me." Jamie looked so broken to her. She had never seen him this afraid. Mad yes. Frustrated yes. But never broken.

"Why Eddie?!" Jamie spat out, angry at her. "You're gonna do whatever the hell you want anyway."

"I'm sorry." Eddie found herself saying. "I am just overwhelmed with emotion and I feel guilty that I made it and Dunleevey didn't. I am alive Jamie. And he's dead."

Jamie made his way back towards the bed. "Yes, you are alive. And I am telling you that you need to stay. You have a broken rib and I know you're in pain. No one is going to judge you for staying overnight and I don't get why you're fighting it so much."

"I can take the pain. They can bandage my ribs up really tight…" Eddie tried once again. But she knew she was losing this fight. Besides she had already decided she was staying for him. But you couldn't blame her for trying one more time.

"No." Jamie insisted. "I want you to stay."

"Why?" Eddie asked once again, confused actually, as to his insistence. She was breathing. She was alive. Her vitals were good. Her pressure was stable.

"Because…" Jamie started and stopped suddenly. How could he voice to her his feelings? His fear of losing her – not only as a partner but as his future, what? He knew in his heart he wanted a future with her. And he never admitted it to her but he had admitted it to himself a long time ago. And seeing her roll down those stairs cemented for him that living without her? He would not survive it.

"Why Jamie…" she asked once again, bringing him back to reality. _Say it Jamie. Just say it._

"Because you're important to me, all right?!" Jamie said, suddenly emotion overwhelming him. "Because if anything happened to you, I don't know what I'd do. Because it's different than from Vinny okay? Because I'm scared…" Jamie finally admitted out loud.

Eddie was surprised at the tone in his voice and not because it was loud. Because of the emotion behind them. "Okay Jamie. I will stay." Eddie uttered. "I'm sorry. If I put myself in your shoes I think I would react the same way. But Jamie there's nothing to be scared about anymore."

Jamie rolled his eyes and offered a small smile in reconciliation. "You could have internal bleeding and not know it."

"Paranoid much?" Eddie teased back as she took a chance and lifted her hand from the bed and outstretched it towards him.

Jamie stepped forward and gripped her hand hard in his. "No Eddie. Not paranoid…" he uttered honestly. "I know I don't talk much about all the loss I have had to deal with in my life but please understand I can't lose you. I can't risk anything with you."

Eddie nodded her head. She knew she was getting nothing more from Jamie tonight but this conversation opened her heart again to the hope that Jamie loved her. That he was in love with her. And she would wait. She had been waiting for years. She needed Jamie to tell her what she already suspected. But Jamie had to do it at his own time. She was ready. She had been ready for years. But she couldn't push Jamie. She had even started seeing Barry again in the hopes that she could forget Jamie because sometimes it felt like she was in this alone. But seeing his reaction and his fear changed everything. And she hoped once again. She knew that her hopes could be dashed and that Jamie could go back to pretending. But right now, her heart leaped. And she allowed herself to love him once again. Even if she couldn't voice it.

"I'm going to go get the doctor. And then I'm going to let you rest." Jamie said. He wanted to stay with her but he didn't dare. They were so close to voicing the elephant in the room – their love – and he just didn't know if he was ready for that. He would be here tomorrow though. And if they let her out – which he was sure they would – he would take her home. Take care of her if she let him and maybe – just maybe – take the plunge.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie found himself sitting at the bar after Erin left him. Her words kept playing in his head on repeat: "Consider this: What if it was Eddie that had been killed? Is there anything that you would regret for the rest of your life because you never told her?"

Jamie could not shake that conversation from his head. Maybe Erin was right and the line was drawn in the sand because it was easy to erase and if that issue was gone, then Barry coming back – the other issue – should be null and void. All contingent on Jamie voicing to Eddie how he felt. Eddie had always been the impulsive one. But maybe it was his turn.

 _Flashback Scene to Today in the Morning:_

He wasn't going to lie. When he woke up this morning he had smiled. He was ready to consider the possibility of having a future with her. He was ready to consider finally coming clean. He took a shower, got dressed, ate a light breakfast and made his way to the hospital. Eddie was getting out and he wanted to be the one to take her home. He parked his car and made his way to her room.

He saw her packing up and smiled once again. "Officer Janko…let's blow this joint. I came to take you home." And in that moment, he turned and his whole world shattered. Who was this guy? His heart felt heavy and the emotions coursing through him started to overwhelm him but he knew he had to recover quickly. After he had found out it was Barry. And after Eddie had called him her _work husband_ he had promptly made a beeline to the door, the exit and finally his car. Hearing her call him her work husband had hurt more than he could admit to himself. The fact that the word work was before husband infuriated him. He realized then and there that while he had known for years that he was in love with her, he wanted her to be his wife. He wanted to marry her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, have kids, the house and the whole package.

As he sat in his car, he closed his eyes and a lone tear rolled down his cheek. He had lost her. Even before he had her. His heart broke into a million pieces and he didn't know how to fix it. He couldn't fix it. He had waited too damn long and she had every right to move on. And she had. With Barry. The guy that knew Eddie talked about him so much. Didn't this guy know that they had something special? That he was infringing on their time? Their future? On their love? He knew Eddie loved him. He could tell. But she couldn't wait forever. And he didn't how to have both – her in the RMP and as his life partner. As his wife. And he actually believed – egotistically – that she would wait for him. How could he have been so pompous? How could knowing that he wanted her in every possible way - as his partner, as his girlfriend, as his wife, as the mother of his future children – and not admit that to her? He had blown it.

He heard his phone ring and saw it was Erin. "Hello?" he said, defeated.

"Up for a drink?"

"Yes." Jamie uttered immediately. He was grateful that – what he did want to share – he could do it with his big sister. He was so reserved, especially when it came to his feelings for Eddie. But right now? He just needed to voice his guilt at least.

"Usual place brother." Erin said. "Twenty minutes."

 _End of Flashback_

That had been three hours ago. And Erin had left 30 minutes ago. He was nursing his drink by the bar and remembering his conversation with Erin. He had been brief, as was his style, and he had chickened out about telling her that he was in love with his partner. But his gut told him that Erin knew. The question now was what was he going to do about it? Could he just go to Eddie and uproot her world? He had been devasted when he went to see her, at her apartment, and she had declined his invite for drinks. And seeing Barry with pizza in hand? He knew then that he had lost her. Barry was going to be everything that he wanted to be. Barry was going to be living the personal life that he wanted to have with Eddie.

He wondered if Barry was still in Eddie's apartment. If so, he had been there for hours and may even be spending the night. Jamie groaned inwardly and scrunched his face up in pain. The thought of another man touching her broke his heart into a million pieces. And it wasn't that he was jealous and possessive. He was. But more than anything it was the fact that another man was going to give Eddie the love and comfort that he wanted to give her.

He heard his phone buzz and he picked it up and raised his eyebrow is surprise. It was Eddie: _"Can I call in my raincheck?"_

Jamie immediately responded: _"Yes."_

Eddie smiled. She knew he would be ready. No matter the time. _"I have beers in the fridge. Come over."_

" _Be there in 20."_

Jamie immediately got off the barstool, paid his tab and walked out the bar. He got in his car and started driving over to Eddie. He didn't know what happened but he wasn't going to waste time. If Barry was gone. He was coming over. He needed to see her. He needed to confess to her what he was feeling. Come what may.

He knocked at her door and she opened immediately. They both stared at one another for a few seconds and Jamie finally put one foot in front of the other. As soon as he reached her, he bent down and hugged her. Holding her was like coming home. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. I am still in pain. But I am home now so I'm happy."

Jamie nodded his head and they walked over to her couch. "Can I offer you a beer?"

"I'm good right now." Jamie said. "I actually just left Erin. We went to play darts."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were busy."

"Oh no. She had already left about 45 minutes before you reached out."

"Oh. Okay." Eddie said, and licked her lips before she continued. "Listen the only reason I told you raincheck is because Barry said he was coming over with dinner and he had just texted he was close by and I didn't want to cancel with him if he was minutes away."

Jamie turned around and looked at her longingly. "I know."

"You know?" Eddie questioned.

"Yep. As I was leaving your apartment I saw him – with a box of pizza – he didn't see me though."

"I'm sorry." Eddie said. Even though she had nothing to be sorry about she still felt guilty. Why? She knew why, it just didn't matter.

Jamie looked at her confused. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I mean I didn't know you were back with him. Or that he even was in the picture. But there's no need for apologies."

Eddie nodded her head. She couldn't explain it. But that hurt her heart. What she had seen in the hospital from Jamie was more than concern. But now it seemed to be back to normal. And maybe it was okay to continue with Barry. Because Jamie? He just wasn't willing to sacrifice the partnership they had for them. And she couldn't force him. She couldn't demand it. It had to be his decision.

"So…" Jamie started and cleared his throat. "Are you guys back together?" He needed to hear the words. The acknowledgment that he had lost her.

"Yep." She said, hesitantly.

"Are you happy?" Jamie asked, as he felt a lump form in his throat. He cleared his throat in the hopes that he could continue with this conversation without his voice cracking.

 _Am I happy? Wow._ Eddie took in a breath and exhaled it loudly. "I don't know how to answer that question." She said, honestly.

"What do you mean? Either you are or you aren't?"

"It's not that easy Jamie."

Jamie just looked at her and didn't say a word.

"I want to be happy. And Barry is a great guy. I want to find someone that loves me for me. That wants to be with me. I want someone that loves me above everything and everyone. That would be willing to make the biggest sacrifice – even if it uprooted his world. I want to come first."

"And you think Barry can give that to you?"

"I don't know honestly." Eddie started. "We just started dating again. But I know I'm a priority for him. I know that he wants to put my needs sometimes in front of his own. I know that he looks for small ways and does small details to make sure that I am happy. That I have a smile on my face."

"Well…" Jamie said, as he cleared his throat one more time. "It seems you're on your way to having a serious relationship with him.

"I guess." She said, softly. "Are you okay with that?"

"What?" Jamie said, suddenly turning to her and looking her in the eye. She could see an emotion there. He didn't know what it was. But it seemed like she was pleading for him to talk to her. To come clean. To tell her the truth. To share his feelings. To man up.

"Are you okay with me moving on from you?"

"From me?" Jamie asked, as his voiced raised a bit, in nervousness.

"Yes." Eddie stated. "You finally ready to accept the fact that you're losing me – not as a partner but as someone who wants to love you – at work and after work?"

"Eddie…" Jamie whispered her name as he felt his eyes start to get misty. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"I want the truth Jamie. I can handle the truth. I just need to know what that truth is." Eddie said. Even if her heart would break. If he didn't love her and did not want to be with her. She would accept it. But she just needed to know. "Jamie life is too short. Look at Dunleevy…I've been thinking about him a lot. And I don't want to waste any more time. We have beaten around the bush the 'should we, could we, do we' I just can't do it anymore."

Jamie continued to look at her but no words would come out of his mouth. What was he waiting for? He knew he loved her. She was spilling her heart out and he was frozen – scared shitless.

Eddie nodded her head. She had her answer. "Okay." She found herself saying as she got up off the couch. "Let me get you that beer _partner…"_ She headed to the fridge. She was out of moves, she had her answer, now she had to move on. There was nothing more that she could do. She had lost. The ball had been in Jamie's court for so long and when she had asked him to toss it back, he froze. It was over.

She didn't hear Jamie get up off the couch and head towards her so she startled when she heard him speak so close behind her. "I do love you. I am in love with you. I've been in love with you for years. You are my priority. You are first for me in everything. "

Eddie turned around slowly and opened her eyes wide when she saw how close he was to her. So close that she could feel the heat radiating off his body. Even still he stepped in closer. "I love you." He uttered as he leaned down and took her mouth in his.

Eddie shook with surprise but quickly recuperated and laced her arms around his neck. She kissed him as hard as she could and smiled as she felt Jamie's tongue slide inside her mouth. She had wanted this for years. Having him finally let go was a dream come true. But what had changed? Two seconds ago, she had been so sure that she had lost him.

Jamie pulled his mouth away from her and pecked her lips one more time before he said: "I can't utter my feelings like you. I can't talk to you about my love for you without my heart and my head getting all jumbled. But seeing you fall down those stairs. Not knowing if you were hurt? I died right then and there. I don't know how to live without you."

"Then say it Jamie. Tell me. We can figure things out but don't shut me out."

"I don't want you seeing Barry anymore."

Eddie smiled at him as she stroked his cheek. "You're such a dork!" she said, as a joke; as well as to try to eliminate some tension. "After this kiss? How?"

"You have to be with me."

"That's all I've ever wanted. I just needed you to want it."

"I've wanted it for five years. I was just too afraid of losing this. Losing you. But I'm done being afraid. We do what we gotta do to be together. Are you in?"

"I'm in." Eddie said, as she kissed him one more time. "I love you Jamie."

"I love you shorty."

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**One Shots**_

 _ **Installment 4**_

 _ **You Just Let Them…**_

 _ **This story is based on a sneak peek I saw for Season 9 Episode 3. I don't know (this morning 11/12) where they are taking the actual BB Jamko scene but this is what I would love to see. I don't own the characters. I simply love to write stories for them.**_

 _ **It is so heartbreaking to me that the Sunday dinner scene when Eddie tried to say grace was led by teasing. Someone at our Jamko Facebook group said that they would like to see a fan fiction where the scene was real and one where the scene was a joke as payback for the Code Blue. This story in particular is going to concentrate on Eddie really being hurt and how I would have liked to see this scene play out.**_

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

"You just sat there. You let them." Eddie expressed, choking back tears. It wasn't like her to lose it like this, especially not in front of people. But she really wanted to fit in. Family was so important to Jamie and if she didn't fit in problems would most definitely ensue. However, she was furious at him as well for not defending her. What the fuck? She was his fiancé. And it seemed like he let them step all over her. No, that wasn't quite right. They had actually mocked her. Laughed at her. Made her feel so small.

"Really guys?" Jamie stated, mad and exasperated at his entire family. His niece and nephews included. Eddie had always been so strong. How was he to know that she wanted him to speak up? When was he supposed to speak up? He had told her twice it was okay but things had been simmering since they announced their engagement and if he were honest with himself, meals between all of them had not been perfect. Last week when she prepared dinner had almost been perfect. But they went ahead and did the code blue. She had handled it magnificently. He was so proud of her. Yet…he guessed she was still feeling out of sorts. And he had not been supportive.

Jamie finally reached her in the kitchen and he felt his heart break for her once again. Her back was to him and she was staring out the kitchen door. Her shoulders were slumped. He approached her quietly, not saying a word. Not wanting to startle her: "Eddie?" he said, almost a whisper as his hand went to loop around her waist. Jamie felt her stiffen and pull away from him. He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. "Please talk to me." Her rejection of his touch hurt him more than he expected. Since he had professed his love to her and proposed – his hands had been on her most of the time. Up until now he didn't know how much he loved it. And how much he needed it.

Eddie didn't turn towards him but started talking – still at a distance from him. "You know it's not like me to be emotional. You know it's not me to let things get to me but Jamie they were laughing at me. And you may think that I am pulling a girl move or that crying over it is immature and not my style but you know what? I'm just tired of feeling like an outsider. Of trying and trying and trying and not feeling good enough."

"Eddie…you're good enough. You're more than good enough. You are better than them in many instances. Especially one like this." Jamie started. "My family can be overwhelming and rude and mean but they didn't do it maliciously. It's been a long time since we had an in law at the table. They're used to being jerks to each other – we are used to being jerks to each other – we didn't consider how you might feel. I'm sorry for that."

Eddie nodded her head. "Maybe it would just be better if I go." She said, as she sighed deeply. "Stay here with your family. Have dinner with them. I'll see you at home." Eddie said, finally turning towards him. "Do you think one of them can drive you home? So, I can take the car."

"You go, I go." Jamie said, emphatically. "I am not staying here without you."

"Stay with your family Jamie." Eddie retorted. "I'll be fine. I just need a bit of time."

Flashbacks from their conversation earlier in the week came to him. Her telling him that she may need distance from the Reagan name. That she didn't want to ride with him anymore. That his father might be right. Was that all bullshit? Did she truly miss riding with him but she was trying to appease his dad? His family? All he wanted was for Eddie to feel comfortable and loved in his childhood home. And the hard truth was that she didn't. And he didn't know how to fix it. In his gut he knew it would take time. But these growing pains? They were slowly killing her. And he didn't know how to make it better. Eddie needed to go through them. But maybe he could be more supportive.

"Eddie…I know you feel like a fish out of water. But you have to give it time. And they didn't mean it. Not in a malicious way. This goes with having a big family. They didn't mean to be mean. I know that they all like you. Teasing is part of this family's dynamic."

Eddie nodded her head. "You may be right." She acquiesced. "But I am not used to this Jamie. And I am embarrassed. And I just want to go. I can't face them right now. Just give my apologies and go have dinner."

"Let's go then." Jamie said. There was no way he was going to go back to the table without her. And quite frankly he had lost his appetite.

"Actually, I really can't face you right now either. Please just let me go." Eddie said, finally meeting his gaze. "I just want to be alone right now." Eddie exclaimed, honestly.

"No." Jamie stated. He approached her once again and wrapped his arms around her waist, not allowing her to pull back – though she tried. "You are too used to dealing with things alone. And now you have me. I may have fucked up tonight but the fact that you are my family now is all that matters. And you need to learn to count on me and to lean on me and to be vulnerable and embarrassed with me. It's okay to be mad at me and it's okay to feel embarrassed but we deal with it as a couple. No walking away."

"Jamie…" Eddie tried again. She really did feel like being alone. She liked to deal with things in her own way and she truly just felt like crying it out and she already had made a fool of herself in front of all the Reagans. She wanted to lick her wounds in peace. "Can we just try again next week? Pretend we're not even engaged for this week. It'll be a Reagan family dinner with no outsiders."

"What? No babe. End of discussion. You want to go? We'll go. I support that but we go together. And I'm not pretending that we're not engaged. I spent too much time pretending I didn't love you while riding with you in the RMP. And you're not an outsider. Stop calling yourself that. You are a Reagan. It took Linda and Jack time to find their way."

"Your family already thinks I am overly sensitive. I don't want any more negative feelings. Just stay. I am fine."

"I'm going to talk to them about this but right now I am leaving with you. Come on. Let's go."

Eddie closed her eyes and stepped back from him. "Okay. But maybe we can just hit the reset button?"

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know. So many ideas are swirling around in my head. I just miss our day to day dynamic. I miss you. I miss riding with you. I miss us. And that may have me a bit out of sorts as well."

Jamie finally nodded his head and felt his eyes mist over as he saw her eyes fill to the brim with tears. "Why did I think this was going to be easy? That I was going to sit at that table and feel like I had been there for years." Eddie continued: "That no longer riding with you wasn't going to affect me. That me not being able to play mama bear to you in any capacity – or to defend you – was going to hurt so much?"

"It's a mixture of everything changing in such a short time." Jamie pointed out finally getting a bit of understanding at why she had been so sensitive back there. She wasn't feeling herself. And neither was he if he was honest. They had a new norm. And it was hard to not be together for the whole day – in and out of work.

"Do you regret proposing?" she asked. "I know that you were mad when I told you that maybe we should listen to your dad. I know you were hurt when I told you I requested not to transfer. You have been wanting to include me as much as you could and I have stopped it."

"Never. Please don't ever think that." Jamie said, as he tugged her to him and hugged her. "Proposing to you is the one thing I have done right." He said, as he pulled back slightly and kissed her gently. "I love you."

"I'm sorry I walked out." She said, as she laid her head on his shoulder. Jamie involuntarily let out a sigh. He had not realized how tense he had been with her trying to put distance between them physically and emotionally. He wanted her right where she was. Close to him.

"They owe you an apology. I owe you an apology."

"No. You don't. I think that everything just came to a head right at that moment and I just exploded. I know I am stronger than this."

"You're entitled to feel mad and angry and you're entitled to fight back. But you're also entitled to have a moment to yourself and to break down and to tell me how you really feel. So that I can help you."

"I really do love that we finally figured it out and are together but it feels like I am mourning the loss of our partnership at work. I didn't think that I would."

"Then transfer." Jamie pointed out. "Don't block it anymore. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy and it will be different. I can't ride with you. But at least we can be at the same house. I won't let you disappear."

Eddie smiled and caressed his cheek. He remembered that conversation they had and he took it to heart. That's why she loved him. "And maybe I can learn to respect the fact that you're a boss now and that cops are gonna talk shit about you."

"And you can't take their names or shield numbers." Jamie pointed out laughing slightly.

"They have to know that I'm engaged to you." Eddie stated. "We can't hide that fact."

"Yes. And they are not going to trust you."

"Well I am going to be a Reagan. It goes with the territory. I've been somehow living it already – ever since I was your partner. I just want to be in the same house. I need to hear what the ranks are saying. I won't get into it with them but I need to know that I am close in case you need me."

"No retreat, no surrender." Jamie said, as he kissed her one more time.

"No retreat, no surrender." Eddie repeated. "We're good?"

"We're good." Jamie told her. "I love you. And I'm sorry again about our family. Sometimes they can be jerks."

"It is our family. And I will settle in. I promise. I just think I may be trying too hard. And they can sense that."

"And they haven't been the most welcoming. Well Dad wasn't and I think that stings a little." Jamie said, a bit sadly.

"Yes. Maybe for you too?" Eddie asked him as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Absolutely." Jamie acknowledged. "But Danny should know better and Erin too. And Pops." Jamie said, sadly. "And I should have sensed you were drowning in there. But I didn't. And I feel awful."

"Pops does know better." Jamie and Eddie heard Henry say as he made his way into the kitchen. "Eddie I am so sorry. I didn't realize that we were hurting your feelings. It was never our intention. Sweetheart, this family teases mercilessly sometimes and because we do it so often we have developed tough skin. We just have to realize that you haven't yet. And it wasn't fair to you. You are trying so hard and I am sorry that we laughed. I will teach you to say grace. I will teach you everything. Please forgive me."

"Us too." Both Erin and Danny said. "We feel awful. We are bad in laws and we were mean." Erin continued. "Please stay. Jamie we're sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"We need to apologize to you both." Danny said. "But more to you Eddie. Sometimes I talk out of my ass. And I don't consider other people's feelings."

"Yes." Erin said. "Eddie we are sorry."

Frank, and the kids, followed into the kitchen. "Eddie…" Nikki started. "I feel so bad. I'm sorry. I should have thought before saying what I did. Please don't hold this against us or Uncle Jamie. It was a lapse in judgment. It just seems that you have been part of this family since before you occupied a seat."

"What do you mean?" Eddie asked.

"You and Uncle Jamie were topics of conversation at Sunday dinner and out of Sunday dinner." Sean said. "We all knew that Uncle Jamie had feelings for you. We've known for years. It was like you were here. No other girls. It was just you. And we confronted Uncle Jamie about it as much as he would let us."

"But you weren't here and you didn't know that we have known." Jack continued. "And because of that you really don't know us like we feel we know you. We were mean and disrespectful. And for that we hope you can forgive us."

"And join us for dinner Eddie." Frank finally spoke up. "Everyone will be on their best behavior."

"I don't want that." Eddie finally said. "I don't want dinners to be formal and polite. I just want to fit in. I want you guys to accept me. That's it. I want to have conversations that make us laugh, cry, argue and challenge one another. But more importantly I want you all to know that Jamie means the world to me. That I love him and because of that I want you guys to be happy with him choosing me. Because if I were to be a reason why there would be discord in another wise close-knit family, I would feel terrible. And I don't know how our marriage would work."

"Those feelings that you have are partly my fault." Frank spoke up. "And I am sorry. I told this to Jamie the other day. And I'm telling this to you directly now. If you or him have gotten the impression that I am unhappy with the choice you both have made to spend the rest of your lives together, it couldn't be farther from the truth. I am ecstatic for the both of you. I couldn't be happier for my son. He has found himself the ideal person. This marriage is going to last because of the love you two share. And if me having reservations about you two riding together and spoiling the wonderful news when you both sprung it on us? I am ashamed. And I am embarrassed that I made you feel not welcome Eddie. This is your home now. This is your family now. This is what it means to be a Reagan – warts and all. We are not perfect. We screw up. Big time like today. But we forgive and we move on and we love each other unconditionally. And I will go to my grave defending you from everything and everyone. You are my daughter now. As Linda was and continues to be. Please join us today for dinner and don't leave."

"I feel like I have to hug you now." Eddie said, as she shrugged her shoulders and let a few lone tears fall down her face.

Frank smiled as well and extended his arms. Eddie went right to him. "Thank you for saying that Frank. It means everything." Eddie admitted.

Jamie smiled with tears in his eyes. He had been so mad at all of them but just like that they come clean, apologize to his fiancé and make her feel better. It meant everything to him as well.

"All right. All right." Danny started as the whole family was taken by surprise when they saw him wipe some tears from his eyes. "Enough with the tears…our first family fight including the future Eddie Reagan is over and done with. Let's eat!"

They all smiled and nodded as they made their way back to the dining room. Jamie reached out for Eddie's hand stopping her for a moment. She turned back to him quizzically. "I love you." Jamie said, as he bent down and kissed her. "Over anything and anyone. You are my priority. Got that?"

"The same goes for you Mr. Reagan." Eddie said, as she kissed him back. "I love you above and beyond anyone and everything."

"Edit Marie Reagan. Has a definite nice ring to it." He said, as he smiled. "Or you can hyphenate."

Eddie smiled as she heard Danny yell: "Enough with the kissing! I'm starving!"

"Wouldn't you like to know Mr. Reagan."

"Indeed." Jamie replied as he pulled her hand towards the dining room.

"And you will…"

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**One Shots**_

 _ **Installment 5**_

 _ **Rectifying Matters**_

 _ **So, I've been thinking about Season 9 Episode 3 and the scene with Eddie and Jamie at the 2-9. It bothered me a bit that Jamie seemed annoyed with Eddie. I know some people don't see it like that but I had to put it to print for me to verbalize how I would have rectified the matter. I do not own BB or their characters – they just bring me joy.**_

 _ **I realize I've been neglecting my other fics. Please forgive me! I am just trying to see where inspiration takes me and right now it's taking me on these One Shots. As soon as I have an update for the others and I am happy with the chapter, I will post. Please be patient with me on that front.**_

 _ **Comments and reviews always welcome.**_

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

" _I'll check in with you later…thank you for lunch."_ Jamie thought of the last words that he had spoken to Eddie prior to her leaving with a look that he knew all too well. The look of when he had hurt her feelings. He shook his head. He felt guilty. He also remembered the wistful look she gave him when she said she probably couldn't kiss him goodbye. He had clenched his jaw – it was the only thing he could do to not step forward and kiss her. He actually missed her. He had been on midnights for a while and they had not shared a bed during that time. Only when he was off – if she was off – they would end up sleeping in the same bed. And their relationship was so new that he wanted to spend every night with her. But they couldn't and he resented that and he was projecting his disappointment onto the way he treated her. And she didn't deserve it. He was a jackass.

He had been surprised when she walked in and if he was honest with himself a bit annoyed. He was so busy. But that didn't mean he wasn't happy to see her. He could have expressed it better he knew. Yet he didn't know how to conduct himself at work with here there. Not in a cop role. Or as his ex-partner. But as his fiancé. She had taken time out of her day to bring him lunch. But there was something else there. She was worried about him. And he felt that. He would worry about her too. But he needed to figure things out on his own. And when he saw her all he had wanted to do was hug her and kiss her but he didn't dare. And it would be inappropriate. So, he acted annoyed – which he was. But it was more at himself than at her.

Jamie sighed out loud and put his head in his hands on top of his desk. He grabbed his phone and dialed without giving it a second thought and without regard to where he was.

"Hello?" Eddie said, actually surprised to hear from him.

The tone did not go unnoticed by Jamie and he flinched. "Hey."

"What's up?" Eddie asked.

"You know what's up and you know why I'm calling." Jamie pointed out.

"Do I?" Eddie questioned back. She was not going to give him an opening or make this easy. She had tried to do a nice thing and it backfired. But he didn't have to be so cold. They had barely spent any time together the past few weeks. She missed him.

Jamie chuckled at that. "I'm sorry babe. You did a nice thing and I wasn't too enthusiastic. I feel terrible."

"You should." Eddie deadpanned.

"You are not going to make this easy for me, are you?"

"I'm kinda busy right now…why don't I try you back when you're off shift? Oh. Wait. I'll be working at the 12th. Why don't we try again over the weekend?"

"Okay. Point taken."

Eddie finally sighed and relented. She wasn't going to beat it to death. She was hurt. "Listen Jamie. I get it, all right? Maybe I didn't think things through and showing up unannounced was a bad idea. But I only did it because I miss you. I haven't seen you and I really just wanted to…well see you. But I get it ok? No more surprise visits."

She didn't think she could handle it anyway. After listening to those assholes talk about Jamie - well she didn't know if next time she could control herself and not speak up. So, she was better off not even going back to the 2-9 if that was what she would encounter.

"We have a new dynamic Eddie and I am not sure if I'm handling not having you around well." Jamie confessed.

"You think? You closed the blinds like if you were hiding me. Like if you were embarrassed I was there."

"Not of you." God had he really fucked up that much? How could she ever think he would be embarrassed of her?

"I know." Eddie acknowledged. "It's new for me too. And I'm not a boss and it has to be different now for us. So, no more surprise visits – I get it." She repeated once again.

"Every time I have some doubt, or am confused on how to act or what to do I want you to be there with me. To figure it out. But you can't. And I can't tell you everything that's going on and I guess you showing up made it so clear that I don't have you by my side anymore."

"Sweetheart you can always count on me." Eddie said, not caring anymore about what happened and now concerned that Jamie may be having a hard time dealing with this change. More of a hard time than she had anticipated.

Jamie smiled finally as he heard Eddie call him sweetheart. She wasn't upset anymore it seemed. He needed to do a better job at telling her how he felt. "I know and I am sorry. You can come and visit me anytime."

"Just make sure I let you know."

"It would be preferable so I can make some time for you. But if one day you want to surprise me again I will make it a point to react how I should have reacted today. Happy to see you and not act annoyed."

"Wanna meet me for breakfast when your shift is over?" Eddie asked done with the subject at hand. "I'll understand if you're too tired and just want to go home and sleep."

"No. Let's do it. Honey, I miss you too. You know that right?"

"I do know that babe. Let's meet at our regular diner. And listen, something to think about – and no pressure - but how about if you start coming to my place after shift? There may be times I'm still there getting ready and we can at least have a few minutes to be together. And you can sleep all day at my place. Mi casa es su casa."

"Yes." Jamie said, immediately. "Maybe more than a few minutes. Maybe I can be lucky enough to still find you in bed and keep you in bed for a bit before you get up for work."

"I'd like that."

"That's the new plan then. I go to you or you're at my place waiting for me. Whatever works that particular day. I just want to start spending more time together."

"Deal."

"I love you Eddie." Jamie said. "Don't ever doubt that. Even if I retreat into myself as I tend to do. I love you always."

"I love you too my beloved boy scout. And I know you retreat into yourself. I promise to always pull you back towards me. I won't let you fall. I love you too much."

Jamie felt his throat constrict. Truer words were never spoken. "I'll see you in a few hours babe. Be safe please."

"Bye baby." Eddie said.

"Bye baby." Jamie reciprocated as he hung up. He sighed a big breath and smiled. He could get back to work now. The love of his life and he were back on track. With her by his side? He could handle anything.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**One Shots**_

 _ **Installment 6**_

 _ **Ten Seconds**_

 _ **There have been numerous requests to extend the ambulance scene for Season 9 Episode 4. I am going to take that challenge and see where my inspiration takes me. I have read several fan fictions that have been awesome in regards to this scene and an extension of it. I hope I do the scene justice as others have. I don't own BB or their characters. I just love to write stories for Jamko.**_

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in when Eddie's other hand fell on top of their entwined hands. Feeling her hand wrapped up in his and his hand wrapped up in both of hers soothed his heart as nothing else could. He had been genuinely afraid for her – he had to admit it now. There was no way he would not worry about her. Being her partner, he worried. Being her fiancé made it so much worse. Knowing what it was to have her in his life - as the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with – made her going undercover so much harder. She was right. He was scared for her. And he did let it affect his judgment. But how could he not? If she were going undercover with Danny or with any other detective he trusted would have been easier. He was right as well and they needed to come to some compromise. What he was not willing to compromise? Her safety. Or her going undercover with Davis again. That was out of the question.

He sighed again as she felt her hands leave his. She automatically turned to see some of her colleagues mulling around and she didn't want to give their status away until Jamie was ready. "I am going to go to the precinct." Eddie exclaimed. "Start the paperwork. If that's okay with you."

"No." Jamie said, suddenly aware of the officers close to them. "Go home. You can fill out paperwork tomorrow if you're up to it. If not, take a few days off."

"I'm fine." Eddie started.

"That's an order Officer Janko." Jamie stated, his tone leaving no room for compromise.

Eddie looked at him and knew she wasn't going to get around it and that at this moment Jamie was her Sergeant, not her fiancé. "Yes sir." She said.

"I'll have someone drive you home." Jamie said, as he turned around to look for an officer who he knew and trusted.

She nodded her head and climbed down from the ambulance. "I'll report for duty tomorrow." Eddie finalized. Herself leaving no room for talk. She was going to come in tomorrow. She just had a few cuts and scrapes and well…a bump in her head.

"10-4." Jamie responded as he called an officer over and instructed to take Office Janko home.

Jamie stayed at the scene for about 30 more minutes then headed to the 2-9. He busied himself with paperwork. Actually, the one he was supposed to be doing when he decided to go and make sure that Eddie was okay. He wasn't sorry he went and he wasn't going to apologize for that. He knew he was right. Davis was going to let her get assaulted or let her get hurt further and that was not happening on his watch. Not to Eddie. Not to any of his officers. That he had meant. If Eddie even got it in her stubborn head that she was going to work with Davis again? He would make it an order this time that she was to not work with him. That he was not backing down from. But surely, he thought, Eddie had to know by now that Davis was not to be trusted.

He felt his phone vibrate and took it out:

 _E – I'm home. Just thought you would want to know._

Good. He was glad she was reaching out. He didn't know where they stood after he blew up at her behind the ambulance. Or quite frankly even before that. He wasn't afraid of her storming out of his life and not coming back. They were well past that stage. They were in it for the long haul. Their circumstances however? It was harder than both of them had anticipated. Had he actually done that in public? Screamed and lost his control? He had not cared. He had tried to keep it under wraps until they got home but once she said she was fine and that she didn't need him? Well he blew up. He had been done. She was not fine. And she knew it. That's why he had sent her home. That's why he wished she would take a few days but he would take what he could get. He knew better than to argue that point on that particular issue.

 _J – Thank you. I was going to reach out. Just got busy with paperwork. How's your head?_

Eddie read his text and smiled. They had to talk. They had to clear the air. Loving Jamie sometimes physically hurt. Like when she had saved his life? Her heart had been about to burst – and not in a good way – because she had been so scared. There was an actual hitman out to get him. She had freaked the fuck out. When he had the Molotov cocktail thrown at him? She had been so anxious about his burns even after she saw them wrapped and bandaged. So why couldn't he be afraid for her? She knew it wouldn't be easy. But being with him? Being engaged to him? She wanted nothing else. There would be bumps in the road but she was in for the long haul. And they were solid. And Jamie loved her so much that he freaked out as well. She understood that. She actually felt the same way. They would get it together.

 _E – I'm in pain. And I have a huge bump in the back of my head, but I'll survive. Please come and spend the night (or day if we want to be accurate) with me. I don't want to be away from you another night (or day) even if all we do is sleep. And babe I don't want to fight. I'm done. I promise I will listen and not be stubborn._

Jamie let out a huge exhale. He had no intention of going home when he got out. He was going straight to her place. Even if it was to continue this stupid fight. He was done with not being in the same apartment. He was done with having her go home when she got mad. They needed to fix things at home and having an out (well both of them having an out) well…was the easy way out. And they were better than that. They were getting married. They had to learn to finagle through these issues.

 _J – I wasn't going home. I was going straight to you. Even if we would continue fighting. I don't like to be away from you either. And I'm willing to listen too. Babe I was scared. And I can admit that now._

 _E – I love you so much._

 _J – I love you. Try to get some rest. I'll be there in a couple of hours._

 _E – Promise you'll wake me up._

 _J – No. If you're sleeping we can talk when you wake up._

 _E – But then you'll be sleeping._

Jamie had to smile and even roll his eyes a little bit. Leave it to her to have a response for everything.

 _J – Okay babe._

 _E – Okay what?_

 _J – Go to sleep. I will kiss you hello and good morning and if you wake up? Then we can talk. If you don't then let me sleep for a bit and then wake me up and we talk. Either way we talk. I promise._

 _E – I don't want to fight…or argue but don't come down too hard on Davis. He fucked up…yes. But there's more to it and you know it. No need to go over his head. And I won't work with him anymore. You were right about him._

 _J – Seems like you're contradicting yourself there honey._

 _E – I'm not. And you know it. I'm going to try and sleep now. My head seems to be a bit better with the 4 Aleve I took. OOOPS! I know it's a lot._

 _J – My beautiful druggie. I love you._

 _E – Shut up! Love you back. Be safe baby._

Jamie put his phone down and finally cracked a smile. He had not done that since they had their fight at the diner. It was good to feel Eddie back to normal. They would be all right. He couldn't wait to get out of work today. The thought of sleeping next to Eddie kept him trucking along. If he kept himself busy the night would go by so much faster and the sooner he would get to lay by her side.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie opened the door to Eddie's apartment and took his shoes off. He scanned the room. Absolute quiet. She was still sleeping. Thank God! He could cuddle with her in bed at least for a bit before she got up. He made his way to the bathroom – opened his drawer and took off his shirt and jeans. He brushed his teeth and made his way to bed.

Eddie was sound asleep. He pulled the covers and laid down. He normally would eat something or unwind a bit before heading to bed but all he needed right now was to hold Eddie. That would soothe him like nothing else. And if he was honest? He needed to feel her close to him. What had happened last night was still etched in his brain. Replaying it in his mind brought undue stress to his nervous system.

He turned towards her and pulled her to him. He wrapped one arm around her waist and the other over her head. He felt Eddie stir and move closer to him. She raised one arm and put it next to his and then interlaced their fingers. "Hey baby." Jamie heard her say.

He remembered his promise to her and kissed her and said: "Hello and good morning honey."

"Let's sleep and then talk. I'm still tired. How about you?" she asked. "You okay?"

"Now that I have you in my arms yes. I am okay."

"Love you." She said, as she immediately fell back asleep, sighing contentedly. Jamie put his head on her pillow and closed his eyes immediately falling into a deep sleep. Having her wrapped in his arms, knowing she was safe and knowing they were okay was the only thing that mattered right now. Everything else could wait. Their problems and disagreements would be there when they woke up; as well as their love for one another. He sighed contentedly and slept peacefully.

 _ **Three hours later…**_

Eddie stirred and smiled as she felt Jamie's warmth surround her. They had not spent the night apart from one another till this fight they had and she missed him in her bed/his bed/their bed. Whatever. She never wanted to not sleep next to him again. She turned towards him and smiled as she felt his face right on hers. No personal space whatsoever. He had missed her as well it seemed. He was sound asleep and she didn't want to wake him. If he had not slept well the last few nights like she hadn't he deserved to sleep a bit more.

She separated from him gingerly and heard him moan with the lack of her presence but he went back to sleep almost immediately. She made her way to the bathroom and then to the kitchen to make some coffee. She reached to the back of her head and winced slightly. The bump was still there but she felt much better. She tried stretching her muscles and some of them ached and were sore but it was to be expected after the perp had pushed her to the ground.

She poured herself a cup of coffee and made her way to the sofa. Mornings now were usually the time when she relaxed and thought about the night they were going to have at work. But right now, she couldn't stop thinking about her reaction to Jamie at the diner and why it had affected her so much. For one, she had been so excited to talk to Jamie about her potential undercover assignment. And when he had shot it down it was normal that she got defensive. She thought maybe Jamie thought she couldn't do the job without him. Then he went on to explain Davis and his recklessness and she had believed that he was afraid for her and that was the only thing that stuck in her mind. She should have tried to listen to him. He had been right about Davis. She was so mad though that he told her that she was smarter than this situation. What did he mean by that? Was her first reaction to the fact that he had called her out on her eagerness and then that turned into anger? She knew that Jamie telling her that she was smarter than the situation came out wrong but he had not apologized for it. Because he had been angry himself. And both of them angry at the same time? Watch out. Hell would freeze over before one of them gave in.

She had flown off the handle. She cringed when she then remembered Sunday dinner and how they barely spoke to each other. If she were honest the only words out of her mouth were: "I got it." When she had passed Frank the rolls. They couldn't even look at each other; much less touch one another at the table. If the others noticed they didn't say a word. She would think that at least Danny would notice and make a comment but no. Dinner and dessert had come and gone and when they left the Reagan family home – they had gotten in their respective cars and sped away. Separately. Without one saying a word to the other. No one questioned it because they had to go to work after. But they both knew they were not in sync and both were too stubborn to take that first step. But she had showed up to dinner. And they had no aired their dirty laundry out for all to see. She was proud of both of them for that. She would never leave him alone with his family – even if they were fighting. Well their family now. She hoped at least that Jamie had gotten that evern if they were giving each other the silent treatment.

She had cried a bit on her way to work but had promptly wiped her tears and refreshed her minimal makeup. She was doing the undercover assignment tonight and she would have to be on. No distractions. And then the undercover assignment happened and it had gone all wrong from the start. She had missed Jamie being present and by her side if she was honest but she wanted to also prove him wrong. She trusted Jamie to always have her back and this Davis guy she didn't even know. And she had fucked up. She had thought that the guy with the hoodie was the perp and as she turned towards him to maybe egg him on the real perp had snuck up on her. Making her vulnerable and not ready. She was not focused and the perp took full advantage. She knew she had to go down and she knew she had to show fear but fear really crept up on her when she felt she didn't have control of the situation. Hence the perp dropping her so fast and she not being able to break the fall. And Jamie coming out of nowhere like Superman because he knew – as only he would know – that she was out of her element right then and there.

And then Davis was nowhere to be found. She had been embarrassed but she realized that Jamie had been partially right. Davis was reckless and not to be trusted. And then in the back of the ambulance? Him losing it like he did? She realized that she had taken him through the ringer and he felt scared and vulnerable and Jamie was her protector. He had always been – partners or fiancé – Jamie hadn't changed. He had been true Jamie till the end. And she loved him because of it, not in spite of it. She loved all of Jamie – flaws and all. Cause God knew – and so did she – that she had her own flaws and Jamie loved her in spite of it as well.

However, he had to chill and she knew he would if they communicated better and they worked as a unit and she would ask him for the lay of the land in the new precinct. He had his own share of responsibility to admit to but she was ready to admit hers and move on from this – as a couple and as a Sergeant and Officer.

"Hey baby…" she heard him call out. "I didn't feel you in bed and it woke me up." He said, grumpily.

"Go back to sleep honey. You haven't had much sleep in the past few days."

"I tried. It's useless. Is there coffee? Please say yes."

Eddie smiled and lifted her cup to him. "Yes."

"Sweet!" he finally said, with a smile on his face. He poured himself a cup and headed towards her in the couch. She anticipated what he wanted and skootched to the end of the couch her back against the arm rest. She then opened her legs and let Jamie's back hit her chest. He sighed contentedly and took a sip of his coffee then turned to her and kissed her sweetly on the mouth. "Good morning fiancé."

"Good morning fiancé." She repeated. "This is a nice change of pace. Normally it's me with my back against your chest."

"Yeah. Well I'm exhausted babe. I need you to spoil me today."

Eddie laughed out loud at that and put her coffee on the end table. "Let me see what I can do to make you feel better." She whispered in his ear while he took another sip of his coffee. She wrapped her arms around his waist and then lifted her arms towards his shoulders effectively hugging him to her tightly. "I'm sorry." She said, genuinely.

"I'm sorry too. We're talking about this now?"

"Honestly I don't think there is much to say. I was wrong on not trusting you on your perception of Davis. I was wrong not to listen. And I got mad at you as if you were my partner and not my Sergeant. I know our roles are different now and I fucked up. I will listen to you and follow your advice. You were a great TO and I learned everything that makes me a good cop from you. I was hurt that you told me I was smarter than I was acting and that made me so angry and it made me more stubborn. But mostly it hurt my feelings. You had never said that to me before that I can recall – especially not on the job."

Jamie listened to her and nodded his head. Guilt invaded his body. "Again…I'm sorry. I should have never said that you were smarter than you were acting. That was me lashing out like I tend to do. And I am so comfortable with you that it's easy sometimes to say shit and then just apologize for it. You know I trust your judgment. You know I know you're smart and a great cop. I don't trust Davis and I love you. Okay? I didn't want you going out with someone that I believe has no regard for anyone but himself. You are all I have okay? You are it Eddie. I don't want anything to happen to you. We both have dangerous jobs and we both can get shot or worse and the thought of you being out there without me to protect you kills me. And I have to live with that. And I have to work around that. But baby I was scared. And I am scared. For five years I had your back and I made sure that you were okay. It's gonna take me a bit of time to let others protect you or to have your back. But Davis is not going to be one of them. Okay? That I'm not negotiating on. Period."

"10-4." Eddie said. "No negotiating on that."

"Are we good?" Jamie asked. Their proverbial question after a fight. He waited for her response by taking another sip of his coffee.

"We're good." Eddie accepted as she kissed his cheek lovingly.

"Can we make up now? Cause I've missed you." Jamie said, as he put his own coffee mug on the table and sat up and turned himself around. He got up, put his knees on the couch and attacked her mouth without asking. He had missed her more than he cared to admit even to himself. Not holding her, kissing her or making love to her for a few days had him desperate for her touch.

Eddie greedily accepted his kiss and kissed him just as hard. She could never get enough of him when they spent every waking moment together. Now that they had been apart – he was her water on a deserted island. She needed to feel him against her. She wanted to devour him. She inched closer to him and sat down. "Come on…" she said. "Let's go back to bed."

"No sleeping." He teased as he slapped her ass.

"You are not sleeping Mr. Reagan. I am gonna make sure of that."

"Mmmm…" he said out loud. "Making up is the best part of fighting, huh future Mrs. Reagan."

"Mmmm…hmmmm…" was all Eddie called out.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**One Shots**_

 _ **Installment 7**_

 _ **Trust**_

 _ **This is a one shot that I have been thinking about after the bike scene – or an extended scene from the bike scene – where Jamie and Eddie discuss working together and what goal(s) they want to see at the 2-9. I am not sure where BB is heading with that storyline but, I for one, cannot wait to see where they take them. One thing is for sure I think they are as strong as ever. And if any duo is going to pull this off, it's them.**_

 _ **I don't own Blue Bloods or their characters. I just like to have fun with them. And putting to paper what I envision in my head. :-)**_

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

"Is that what we're doing turning this precinct around?" Eddie asked, still skeptical. She was still mad at him and still reeling from the harsh punishment. She didn't get why the hell he had to be such a hard ass. But it made sense to her – to some extent – that he wanted her and Maya to bond. They themselves had bonded after some serious and tense situations. Eddie was also a bit taken aback because if anyone was her worst critic, it was herself. She was petrified that instead of helping Jamie, she was hindering him. And now him saying maybe she going to the 2-9 may have been a bad idea? Well she was kind of freaking out. But in her heart, she knew it was the right move. She needed to have Jamie's back. And Jamie would see it too. She hoped that he already had seen it and that this new obstacle is just another hurdle they need to get through. As a newly engaged couple.

"Yeah. One cop at a time." Jamie responded, looking at her and half smiling at her. "I need you to bond with Maya, Eddie." Jamie repeated himself. How could he make her understand that above anything else, the most important thing to him was her safety? His main priority was to protect her. As her Sergeant of course but as her fiancé? That went without saying. And he was both. So, she needed to be cognizant of that. But if he needed to choose? He would always choose fiancé over Sergeant. His love for her wouldn't let it be any other way. He had waited years for her. And now he was not taking any chances.

"Why is it so important to you?" Eddie asked, truly perplexed.

Jamie confessed his thoughts: "I need her to have your back when you both are out on the streets. I need to know that she likes you and trusts you and is loyal to you because I am not out there with you. She is. And she has to have your back. If anything happened to you…" Jamie intentionally left that sentence open ended. So many things – all negative – if she were to be hurt would annihilate him. Render him useless if he was honest. He sighed deeply and went ahead and finished his thought: "If anything happened to you, I would not be able to bare it. I would be destroyed. I swear to you it's the truth."

"Jamie. I get it. The same goes for me. My instinct is to always protect you. So, I hope you realize how hard it is for me to hear people talk shit about you. My defenses rise immediately. I think I was very tame when I defended you to her. But still I defended you. I couldn't not do it. You are mine. And while you are scared shitless that something may happen to me? I am scared shitless that these whiners at the 2-9 are just angling for something and not being informed kills me."

Jamie pulled her close. "I know. I feel the same way about you and their perception of you. But you and I? We are a team. Always. And I need you. I need you to help me fix the 2-9. I'm serious. I took those vows to heart when we said them a few weeks ago again and you convinced me that coming to the 2-9 was for the greater good." Jamie stated. "I can't do this without you babe."

"Do you think we can do this?" Eddie asked.

"I think so. Sometimes I digress. Like five minutes ago." Jamie said, as he rolled his eyes. "But you have to know that there is no one else I would rather do this with, than you. You are my person. The one I count on. The one I love. The one that I tell my insecurities to."

Eddie nodded her head: "We will get it done together. It's just been so hard. And really…foot patrol?" She asked, again. "I really hate you for that."

"I know you do." Jamie said, as he leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. "But I love you. Even when I yell at you. Even when you want to kill me. Even when you give me the silent treatment."

"Even when you take my wheels away. When I finally got to drive too. You never let me." Eddie said, as she half smiled at him.

Jamie rolled his eyes and answered: "Even then I love you goof."

"This isn't going to be easy but I'm in. I have to be. I'm engaged to you. I have this beautiful ring to prove it too." She exclaims, as she waves her left hand in front of his face. "And I am not giving it back."

Jamie laughed at that and bent down to briefly kiss her. "You're ridiculous. Can we enjoy the rest of our Sunday now? I rarely have you to myself and we're due to dinner at the house in a few hours. Can this time be only about you and me? And how much I want to spend time with my fiancé? Whom I love."

"One last question. Do you feel at all bad when you yell at me? When you bust me and when you make me upset?" Eddie asked. Because truth was that every time that they fought and he yelled at her, it broke her a bit. And she would get over it and defend herself and sometimes even win the battle. But at the beginning, it always messed with her. And she needed to know if it affected him.

That question gutted him a little. A lot actually if he was honest. For her to ask that meant that she doubted this was hard on him. And it was. Jamie responded: "It kills me. That I know you're mad at me. It kills me that you think I think you did something wrong. That you think I don't treat you right. That you think I don't do a good job of separating the job and personal stuff. It guts me each and every time."

"Well one thing we do well is fight." Eddie pointed out. "But I feel bad for a bit. And it makes me sad sometimes. I hate fighting with you."

"I really hate fighting with you." Jamie deadpanned.

"Jamie when we fight – really fight – we fight. This wasn't that. This was a misunderstanding. And yes, I was upset but I've been more upset at you prior to us being together and engaged. The good thing with us is that we end up talking about it eventually. And we settle the fight and we move on."

"You said you had 5 things that you thought were a bad idea. You know what scares me the most? Of all the ideas you could have?"

Eddie just looked at Jamie but didn't respond.

Jamie continued: "That you decide that it's not worth marrying me."

"What?" Eddie asked, astonished. _Really? How could he think that?_

"I know you love me. And most of the time we're solid. But sometimes – way in the back of my mind – I panic. It's a fleeting panic and mainly lasts for a few seconds. Then I get it together and know what we've been through to get here. What we've sacrificed. And I get my head on straight. But when you say things like there's five things you are thinking were a bad idea my stomach freefalls." Jamie finishes, his heart in his hand.

"I never will take back my yes. Ever Jamie." Eddie exclaimed, as she put both of her hands on his chest. "You are the love of my life. You may drive me crazy but I love you. I love you more than I can fathom. I would never be able to walk away from you. You are everywhere inside of me. I cannot live my life without you."

Jamie let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. "I don't think I could bare it if I lost you."

"The five things that went through my mind were simple. One, can I trust Maya? Two, did Jamie see something in Maya that he thought I could trust and I'm just not seeing it? Three, I'm mad because it's hard to not let things that happen with you and me at work get personal and I have to be better at that. Four, I think I am failing at helping you. And five, am I being more of a burden to you than a helper. But never, ever, Jamie do I believe my love for you is a mistake, or a bad idea, or that me saying yes to your proposal was a bad idea."

"Okay well I'm not sure you can trust Maya yet but I did see something in her that tells me she has a lot of potential. It's hard for the both of us to separate personal and work so we both have to work at it – together. More importantly, you are not failing me. You are all I have. It would be a thousand times harder to do this without you. And no, you are not a burden to me. Never will you be a burden. I do need you and I trust you. Implicitly."

"I trust you Jamie." Eddie said, as well. "No retreat. No surrender." She finalized.

"No retreat, no surrender babe." Jamie repeated.

He bent down to kiss her full on the mouth. He didn't care who was passing by or who saw them. This conversation was one they had to have to clear the air. And truth be told he needed her. He wanted her. "Screw the bike ride. Let's go home. I want to make love to you right now. Before we head to dinner."

"No need to tell me twice." Eddie said, as she slapped his ass. "Let's go."

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

After dinner they said goodbye to everyone and got in the Mustang. "How could we forget to send a card?" Jamie said, as he widened his eyes and half smiled at her before grinning to her, showing his teeth and making a slightly scared face. As he had done at dinner.

"We?" Eddie mocked. "Don't I get a pass? This is my first year of family birthday's. Regan family birthdays."

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." Jamie acquiesced. "I've been so preoccupied with us, the job, our fights, our misunderstanding. It was nice to Face Time Jack. We will pick up a card on our way home."

"A belated birthday card babe." Eddie said, as she rubbed his arm.

He chuckled. "Yes. We can send him some more mad money. I'm sure he will need it."

"That's a great idea honey. We should actually sync our calendars and input everyone's birthday. That way I can help you remember. Not that I'm the best at remembering but I am a bit better at checking our calendar."

"You know what I am looking forward to?" Jamie asked, as he turned to look at her and grasped her hand. "Our first holidays together."

"Me too." She admitted. "Looking forward to spending time with your family. I don't think I have celebrated a holiday in a long time. Well at least not with my family intact. But I think I am looking forward to you and I spending the holidays together – only you and I. Prior to going to your family's. We have so many to look forward to but the first one is always special."

"Our family." Jamie said. It didn't matter how many times he had to remind her, he would. She was his family now. And the love he felt for her grew exponentially day by day. His family would always be the Reagans but as soon as Eddie became his wife – and quite frankly, currently in his heart – his immediate family would be the two of them. And whatever children they may have. She would be his number one. No one mattered more than her.

"Our family." Eddie repeated. "Jamie…I worry."

"About?"

"Well so many things but I see your family and I am growing to love them and I am just not sure about mine. My dad is in jail and my mom well…she's special."

"Special?" He asked, "How is that?"

"She is not like me – at all. That's why we clash most of the time. She's very much still into appearances. Even after we fell from the pedestal we were in. When we had money. Well when they had money."

"Eddie, it'll be fine. I want to meet her. I've met your dad."

"Yeah. But it's not like I went ahead and introduced him. He was in the hospital. I just don't want my mom to offend you. Sometimes – well most of the time – she has no filter. And she's not happy that I did not seek a more "woman" friendly job. And that I did not look for someone to take care of me."

"Take care of you?" Jamie kept on asking questions. Eddie rarely spoke of her family and the truth was that he wanted to meet her mom. And he wanted to know her family as she was getting to know his.

"You know marry a millionaire so he can give me everything my dad took away from us when he went to jail."

"I'll always take care of you. Maybe not with millions but I can protect you."

"Babe. I don't care about money. I think you know that. I want to love you and you to love me. I want normalcy. I want a life with you. My mom? She still thinks that a man keeping me in Prada, Gucci and in Louis Vuitton and Chanel bags is what is important."

"You two are very different." Jamie stated. "And truly did you have all that you mentioned? All the designer labels?"

"Yes." Eddie said. "And for a while that's all I knew. And all I wanted. And then my world came crashing down. And I was thrown into the real world and I learned quick that those labels and the cars and the fancy house? That didn't make a home. What makes a home is the people that you are surrounded with. And the love that they show you.

"I still have to meet her babe."

"What if you hate her?"

"What if she hates me?" Jamie stated.

"I don't hate you. I love you. That's what matters."

"And I love you. So, if you mom approves of us or not it doesn't matter. We matter. But we have to give her a chance to meet me and you have to give me a chance to meet her and win her over. I know your family is different from mine but Eddie it is your family and whether you're comfortable with it or not, we are going to have to meet."

"Ugh…I know." Eddie finally exclaimed. "I'll set it up." She grabbed his hand and laid her other hand on of theirs. But don't say I didn't warn you."

"I love you shorty." He said, as he turned his attention back to the road.

"I love you Scout." She replied.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**One Shots**_

 _ **Installment 8**_

 _ **Closure**_

 _ **So, I know that my story Regrets is the one that should be updated, however, I am experiencing writer's block and I think it's because I cannot take this particular scenario out of my head. So, I've decided to see if I can make it a One Shot. I am hoping that it kind of relieves my brain and inspires me to continue with Regrets. Cross fingers peeps! I will update soon (I hope!)**_

 _ **I have been thinking a lot of Sydney and the reaction she may feel if she found out that Jamie was engaged to Eddie. Why? Because in my mind I imagine that anyone letting go of Jamie would regret it. I never liked the fact that Jamie told Frank that he didn't know if he let the best thing walk out of his life when he let Sydney go. I understand, per se, that he felt it at the moment it happened and that he had not met Eddie yet. However, it still sticks in my gut as a phrase I never will fully accept. I don't think I am trying to minimize the love they had (Sydney and Jamie) – just IMO I think it wasn't the lasting kind of love. So, I write how I see them.**_

 _ **As always, I do not own BB or their characters. I just love to write stories for them. Hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Sydney looked at the cell phone in her hand and felt the nervousness in her stomach rise up again. It had been so long that she considered reaching out to Jamie. But now, she didn't understand it and couldn't pinpoint it either, but she just felt the necessity to reach out. It had been five, six, years? She couldn't even remember. All she knew was - that for the past few weeks - Jamie had been on her mind non-stop. Maybe it was because she knew she was coming to New York to visit family and friends. But she had done that before and not felt the need to reach out to him. She was sure that his life had changed in a lot of ways. Maybe it was morbid curiosity. Maybe it was a feeling in her gut that told her that something monumental was happening – to him, not her. Bottom line she wanted to at least know how he was and how his life had progressed since their breakup. They had been engaged for God's sakes. And she knew she had been the one to walk away. But couldn't they at least have dinner or drinks or a cup of coffee? Catch up? They had loved each other at one point in their lives.

It was 8:00 am in London right now, Sydney thought to herself, making it 3:00 am in New York. It was definitely too early to reach out to Jamie. But as it got closer to her leaving for her vacation in New York, her restraint in not calling Jamie was failing her. She knew that she would reach out – either when she arrived in New York or prior to her boarding the plane – but she had to reach out. _Do you want to get back together?_ She thought to herself. No. It wasn't that. Jamie had changed right before her eyes and there was no question that after all this time, Jamie may have changed to someone she would not recognize even further. Physically? He would be the same. Emotionally? Who knew. He had already changed from when he graduated law school to when he came out from the Academy. Hence her leaving and walking away from their engagement and their lives.

Anywho…she thought to herself as she finished the last sip of her espresso. Only time would tell if her and Jamie would finally meet up after all this time. She grabbed her briefcase and walked toward the door. She briefly looked at her watch and smiled. She wasn't running late for her meeting. She could stop at that bakery around the corner from her office. It would be nice to take everyone on her floor some pastries. She smiled once again. She was happy in London and she was glad that she now considered it her home. Maybe seeing Jamie was to make sure that he was okay and that their breakup had indeed been for the best. It wasn't as if Jamie would just leave everything and come to London to live with her. And she most definitely would not leave London. So why did she have to see him? Why was she so adamant? Jesus. Something was up. Her sixth sense was telling her. She would find out sooner or later but for now it was time to focus on work, on her meeting and on those delicious pastries.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

 _ **A couple of days later…**_

"Reagan." Jamie said, a bit intrigued by the number on his phone. It wasn't a number he recognized but on occasion he was known to give his number – via his courtesy card – to people that may need to reach out to him. This may be one of those calls. It was still early for his shift and he was still at the apartment. But he went ahead and answered the call anyway – he was always on call that was for sure.

"Hi Jamie…" he heard over the phone. Jamie scrunched up his face and tried to place the voice. It sounded familiar yet he couldn't quite place it. But in an instant, he knew it wasn't a work call. This was on a personal level. Her " _hi Jamie"_ seemed too familiar. Who the hell was this? And his gut was telling him that maybe he should have let this damn call go to voicemail. It was just not sitting right with him.

"Hello." He found himself responding to her salutation. "Can I help you?"

"You don't recognize me?" Sydney said, truly intrigued and a bit dismayed that he did not recognize her immediately. A part of her was so sure that he would. She thought that if he ever reached out to her, she would know instantly it was him. No matter how much time had transpired. They had been engaged. They had meant – at one point – so much to each other. How could he not recognize her? Her?

Jamie froze for a second and he stopped breathing. _**Sydney.**_ What was she doing calling him? It had been like what? Six years? More? Why all of a sudden reappear in his life?

"It's Sydney." She finally hammered out. "How are you?"

Jamie cleared his throat and replied: "Hey." Trying to sound casual. She had been the one to reach out to him after all. For now, there was silence on both of their ends. This could have not been more awkward for the two of them. But Jamie had every right to remain quiet. He had not been the one to initiate this contact. If he was honest with himself, it had been a long time since Sydney came into his mind. He had not thought of her in months – if not more. She was someone in his past and quite frankly he wanted her to remain there. He had moved on as soon as he realized that they were no longer compatible.

Jamie came back from reality and decided to speak: "I didn't place your voice immediately. But I did after." Jamie responded. What did she want? Why call now? These thoughts kept on repeating themselves. She would not just call out of the blue, would she? What was her end game here? Sydney Davenport always had an end game. That was who she was. Calculating to a fault. If she called him there was something she wanted or needed.

"Oh. Well I'm glad that at least you did recognize me." Sydney said, as she smiled and chuckled to let Jamie know she was amused. "I just wanted to let you know I'm in town. I got here last night. And I was hoping that maybe we could catch up. I don't know what you prefer. Dinner? Drinks?"

Jamie scrunched his face. For the life of him – when they first broke up – he actually prayed for her to reach out. To call him. To meet. To talk. To reconcile. But now? He didn't know what they could possibly talk about? He didn't want her in his life. He had Eddie now and he was happy and in love and there was no room for her – not even to catch up. And as soon as Eddie came into his mind, he heard Eddie in the bathroom and panicked for a second. He knew how jealous Eddie got sometimes and him talking to his ex-fiancé might not go over well. Even if it was her reaching out to him. He wanted no problems with Eddie. They were finally good, in love, spoken out loud and he was not changing that for anything. Sydney be damned.

"Jamie?" he heard Sydney call out, bringing him back to reality.

"I'm here." He found himself responding. "Listen it's been so long. Why do you need to meet?" Jamie deadpanned. Never being one to skedaddle around the bush when he just wanted things to be clear and on the table.

"I haven't seen or heard from you in a while. And honestly, lately you've been on my mind a lot." Sydney confessed. There was no reason not to tell him the truth.

"I don't think we have anything left to say to one another."

"Maybe not." She acquiesced. "But I would like to see you nonetheless. See how you're doing."

"I'm great." Jamie said, honestly. "Happy."

"Then let's just meet for old times sake. I want to see you Jamie."

He inhaled and touched the bridge of his nose, hanging his head. Did he owe her? For the way she claimed he changed and ignored her? He didn't know. "Coffee." Jamie said, as he decided. "That's all I can offer."

"Why?" Sydney said. Why could he only offer her coffee? Was it that he was with someone? She admitted the thought had crossed her mind. Even the thought of him being already married to someone else but she quickly discarded that. It would have been all over the papers because of Frank and her parents would have told her. More likely he was seeing someone and he didn't want any problems. When Jamie committed to someone, he was serious about it. A twinge – however small – invaded her body and it hurt, just a tad. But she told herself, that was normal. They had been – at one point in their lives – in love and engaged to be married.

"Take it or leave it Sydney." She finally heard Jamie's voice. And how ironic was it that a part of him wanted her to leave it and say 'fuck it' – I don't need to see you.

"Sydney?" Eddie said, as she overheard him as she made her way to the living room. What the hell? Why was his ex-fiancé calling him? Nerves started in the pit of her stomach and she quickly starting thinking that this was not going to be a normal day. This was going to be one of those days that could change her life – his life – forever. _Dramatic much?_ Eddie scolded herself internally. _Get it together girl._

Jamie, in turn, heard her come in and heard her mention Sydney's name. Dammit! He was hoping he'd have time to set the tone of this conversation with her. Because he was going to tell her. There was no way he was hiding it from her. But now she had figured it out and he had not warned her. But to his credit, he was still on the line with her. When could he have told her before her overhearing? It was fucking impossible. Yet still he felt like he had done something wrong.

"Fine." Sydney exclaimed, a bit annoyed. Maybe he hadn't changed that much since the last time she remembered him. "Coffee Project on 5th St."

"Sounds good."

"Noon?"

"Yep."

"See you then."

"Bye." Jamie found himself hanging up immediately and turned to Eddie. "Before you freak out babe, she reached out to me." He said, raising his hands defensively.

"Uh huh." Eddie said, as she approached the kitchen island and grabbed a cup of coffee. She needed coffee before this conversation. She poured herself a cup and went to the fridge to take out the cream.

"I heard the phone ring. I didn't know who it was. I just answered and it was her."

"And you're going to go see her?" Eddie deadpanned. "When you already have another fiancé…me…" she said, as she pointed to herself. "You're going to see her anyway." She finalized, as she raised her eyebrow and took a sip of her coffee.

"Just coffee. I honestly don't know why she wants to see me. But I think I owe her."

"Why?" Eddie asked. "If you ask me, you don't owe her shit."

Jamie let that go and instead just answered the question: "Because after all these years and after finally getting my shit together to tell you I loved you and to propose to you, I've realized that I may have shut her out. And that I was a shitty boyfriend and quite possibly a shittier fiancé. And that our breakup was partly my fault. And I can now admit it. Maybe more my fault than hers. I changed my life abruptly. And didn't even consider her feelings. It was all about me and what made me happy. And I just assumed that my happiness was going to be hers as well."

"Do you regret her leaving you?" Eddie asked, quietly. This was one of the things she did wonder and maybe it was good that Sydney had come to the forefront so they could talk about it and maybe put her and her ghost to bed. Not that she was a big issue. Not at all. But when she came looking for him and having coffee with her man? Well there was going to be an issue. An issue that needed to be discussed and remedied. And an issue that Eddie needed confirmation was going to be resolved after this one coffee date. Well not date, meeting, gathering, whatever. But certainly not a date.

Jamie immediately answered: "Nope. Not for a moment do I regret her leaving me. We weren't meant to be Eddie. You and I? Whether I would have married her or not, I believe you and I would have been inevitable. I would have fallen for you the first time I met you. And I would have fought it of course but you would have been a difficult woman to resist. I feel that in my gut."

She accepted that because she agreed with it. No need to take that thought any further so she continued with her first train of thought: "If I wouldn't have been here would you have told me she reached out and that you're going to have coffee with her?"

"Yep." Jamie said, without hesitation. "Immediately. I am in love with you. Not Sydney or any other woman is going to put in jeopardy our relationship. And I knew that not telling you would only cause problems between us."

Eddie nodded her head: "You better be good. And you better be quick. I hate it but I am trying to understand." Eddie said, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I still don't like it and I'm uncomfortable with this." Jamie didn't say a word and waited. He knew she would continue: "How would you like it if all of a sudden Barry called me and asked me to have coffee?"

She felt Jamie automatically stiffen. And she lifted her brow. "And I wasn't even engaged to Barry? We were only dating."

"Well I can answer the question two ways and I am. First, the thought of you seeing Barry makes me cringe. I hate it. And I would do everything in my power to stop it. Even go as far as to forbid it. Though I know that would get me nowhere. So, I do understand somewhat where you're coming from. Two, and keep this in mind, I am only presenting two scenarios: the second one is that I would counter with the fact that I was actually engaged to Sydney and I feel like I owe this to her as I told you a bit earlier. I want to tell her that I don't blame her anymore for leaving. That now I am in her camp – I agree with her leaving. That it was what was for the best. You don't owe Barry shit. So that's the difference in my book."

Eddie let go of the fact that she had told Jamie only minutes ago that she believed he owed Sydney nothing. "What if she wants you back?" Eddie asked. The question that truly was nagging her. What if she was coming around because after all this time she was regretting her decision to leave and was wondering if he was still single and available.

"Eddie…that's ridiculous." Jamie said, as he approached her and grabbed her by the waist inching her closer to him still.

"You remember when I first found out about her? I was so jealous that I told you that you were still hung up on her. Jamie…I wasn't joking. And why is her wanting you back ridiculous? It's not to me."

"Babe…I wasn't dating anyone then because I was already in love with you. I don't care if she wants me back. Which she won't. I only want you."

"Really?" Eddie asked, stunned. "You loved me then?" She had loved him then too. But was too afraid to tell him. And finding out that he had been engaged to someone else had killed her and enraged her.

"Yes. That's why things with Jen didn't end well. That's why I never saw her again after we had that talk at the bar and after I had dinner with her that night. That's why I wasn't dating anyone since then. I loved you. I love you and I will always love you."

"Can I be at the coffee house?" She said, as she slid her hands down his sides and around his waist squeezing gently. She already knew the answer but she wasn't going to lie, she really did want to be there. Observing. Protecting. Making sure her man was okay.

"What? Why?" Jamie asked, as he scrunched his face confused. "Like with me? You want to go?"

"Just want to make sure that she doesn't pounce on you. And no, not with you and her. At a table, in the back of the shop. Observing."

Jamie rolled his eyes. "No sweetheart. You know exactly where I'm going to be. I don't anticipate our coffee to be long. I don't want you to worry. I don't care what she has to say but I want her to say it. Then she'll be gone. And it will be like it never happened."

"Do you feel you need closure?"

Jamie thought about it and answered honestly: "I think that six years ago I would have said yes. But right now? No. I don't need closure. I am happy with the way my life turned out. And it turned out the way it did because she cut ties with me. As it should have been. I was just too stubborn to see it. You know me well and I hate failure. And her and I breaking up (he deliberately didn't say us) was a blemish in my otherwise perfect record." He finalized, as he smirked. He knew that would make her laugh.

Eddie chuckled as she rolled her eyes. "Oh brother. Mr. Perfect, are you?" She continued: "Do you think she needs closure then?" Eddie asked. Because of one thing she was sure of. If she had, had Jamie six years ago, she would have never let him go. And for the life of her, if she ever did leave, she would probably come crawling back.

"I don't know what she needs. But it's been six years so if she's reaching out it's for a reason." Jamie deadpanned. "I cannot imagine what it is. But I need to give her the opportunity to voice it. That way it's done. And it's over and we don't have to ever discuss it again."

"I guess." Eddie said, as she lifted herself on her tippy toes and gently kissed Jamie. Jamie in turn bent his head towards her and prolonged the kiss. "What was that for?" Jamie asked, as he winked at her.

"Oh, I want you to remember me when you go see her." Eddie said, as she shrugged her shoulders and turned towards the coffee pot, grabbing her mug from the counter and warming up her now cold coffee.

"You cannot tell me you're jealous." Jamie pointed out. "I have given you no reason to think that I want anyone that's not you. Not after what we've been through to get here. Babe…come on."

"How can you be so calm?" Eddie retorted. "I may be a bit jealous and I'm not going to deny it. I was jealous of Tara for goodness sakes! So, can you imagine with this one?" She exclaimed, her voice coming out louder than she wanted to. "Jamie…it's just so out of the blue." Eddie finalized, a tad bit calmer.

Jamie shrugged his shoulders. "I'll admit it was a shock to the system hearing her voice on the other end. But now that I have processed it. It's whatever. I have no feelings of love towards her. I can see her and not feel a thing. I am sure of that. Because of you. Do you not want me to go?"

Eddie closed her eyes and leaned her head against his chest. "I would be a terrible fiancé if I said I don't want you to go."

Jamie smiled and leaned in to kiss the top of her head. "No. But I really feel like I have to do this Eddie. And I know it may drive you insane and if you really are hell bent on it I will call her and cancel. But I do think that you understand that I need to do this."

"Ugh…I hate it that you know me so well."

"And you know me. That's why you're not going to push this and you're going to let me go through with this. Because deep inside you know you have nothing to worry about. Nobody and I mean nobody is going to make me love you less or leave you. We're in it for the long haul. You know that baby."

"I am going to let you go through with this." She said, as she lifted her head and stepped back. "I'm calling Erin. See if she wants to hang out with me while you go out on your _**date**_." With that she sauntered off with her coffee mug towards the bedroom.

She didn't even give Jamie a chance to respond. "It's not a date!" He screamed out. "I love you."

"Mmmm…hmmm." He heard her call back. He scrunched his face and rubbed one hand over his mouth. That could have gone a lot worse but it did not go well either. He wasn't kidding himself. Eddie was not happy and she was doing her best to keep her jealous streak at bay. He appreciated it. He truly did not know how to make her understand that it was not big deal. It actually surprised him as well. He just wanted to get it over with and come home to her. He was going to give her the space she wanted now. She had walked away from him efficiently ending the conversation. And now he was left with a bad feeling in his gut.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie walked out of their bedroom – yes, theirs – because that's how he saw it now. They may not be living together permanently but they spent every night together. Either at his apartment or hers. After that debacle with Davis, they had agreed that even if they fought they would always come back to the same apartment. No hiding from one another anymore. So, for all intent and purposes everything in either apartment was considered theirs.

He saw Eddie sitting on the couch splitting her attention between the TV and her I-Pad. She looked so lovely in her comfy and warm clothes and for the most part, he just wanted to shred his jeans and jacket and stay here with her. But he couldn't. So, he approached her and sat beside her. "I'm heading out now."

"Kay…" she said, as she continued typing on her I-Pad and not looking up. Truth was she couldn't look up at him for fear that he would see her insecurities. She didn't want to be that girl. But if she looked up, she might crumble.

"Eddie…"

"Yep."

"Look at me."

 _ **Fuck it.**_ She finally looked up - to look at him - at his request. As they locked eyes with one another he grabbed her left wrist and held it up. He then caressed her engagement ring. "You see this ring?" He asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "That's my promise to you. To be faithful to you. To love you till the day I die. And even after that I will love you. You are it for me Eddie. No one else." He took a deep breath and continued: "I am doing this. Please don't make me feel like an ass because I'm going to see her. Please."

Eddie's eyes filled with tears and she leaned in to him to hug him tightly. "I love you so much." She whispered into his ear. "I hate this. I hate feeling insecure. I hate it. But I can't seem to help it."

"I promise you…I'll make it up to you. I'll tell you everything we talked about. I won't withhold anything back. Remember there are no secrets between us anymore. We've had a lifetime of secrets before we got together on how we felt about one another. I just need you to be okay" He stopped his rant for a second and then continued on: "Are you going out with Erin?"

"She's actually on her way over with wine and vodka. We decided to stay in."

"Okay. Good. Did you tell her?"

"No. I just told her that you were going out and if she wanted to have a drink or two or twelve? She said why not stay in our pj's and catch up? I think she feels something is up but she didn't pry."

"You can tell her you know. Erin has known that I love you since probably your one-year anniversary on the job. I didn't admit it to her but she's good like that. She can read me like a book. I know you keep my confidences but this? You can tell her. And I'm sure you'll realize why I tell her everything. She gives great advice."

"You better go. You don't want to be late." Eddie said, as she separated from him.

He got up and leaned back in putting his hand under her chin and lifting her head up. "I love you." He said, as he bent down to kiss her hard. He slid his tongue into her mouth and sighed into the kiss. Both of his hands went to the sides of her face and as he pulled back he pecked her on the lips lightly one last time. "I'll be home before you know it."

Eddie just nodded her head and went back to her I-Pad. Jamie sighed out loud and stood up. He headed towards the door and as he opened it he turned back and said: "Always and forever Eddie." One last attempt to reassure her of what he was so sure of. His love and devotion to her.

Eddie felt that statement in her gut and she finally felt the truth of it. She turned to him as she flung the I-Pad onto the sofa, got up hastily and ran to him. She flung herself at him and he caught her easily enough. He helped her wrap her legs around his waist and he lifted his head slightly to meet her demanding lips on his as he pressed her back onto the wall. "Always and forever Jamie." She repeated. "Come home to me."

"You are my home babe. I'll come back time and time again, happily."

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie walked into the café a short time later. He had not wanted to leave Eddie. She seemed to be a mess and he somewhat understood it. The sole fact that Erin was going to be with her soon made him feel a lot better. He just wanted this meeting over with. As soon as that thought entered his mind, he saw Sydney walk in the door. She had not changed one bit. Her hair was still long and brunette, her shades were just the picture-perfect pair of a designer label that she probably just bought the fifth pair of. It was incredible. He felt nothing. Not one iota of sentiment. Not a pang in his gut. No remorse either. Simply nothing. After all they had been to each other it boiled down to them – quite literally – being strangers. He wondered if he wasn't actively searching for her at the café, would he have seen her or even recognized her.

One thing was for sure: whenever Eddie entered a room, he knew. Even if his back was to her, he would know the exact moment in which she would walk in. That's how in tune they were with each other. And he loved that about them. She could be across the room and he could see her and even feel her. He had never felt that with Sydney. It was true, they were in tune with one another when they were together and he had been happy with her. But it didn't compare to what he felt now or how he actually – physically – needed Eddie with him.

He finally saw when Sydney located him and recognized him and she waved and a smile covered her face as she went towards him. Jamie deliberately chose a table that was smack in the middle of the café – very little comfort and very little privacy. He was hoping that would expedite this meeting.

"Hey Jamie." Sydney said, a tad bit awkwardly.

Jamie got up from his chair and nodded his head. "Sydney, how are you?"

They both stood there not sure if they should shake hands or hug one another. Sydney chose for them when she inched towards him and patted him lightly on the back. He stood still and didn't move until she moved away from him. He did not reach out to her but he did smile at her as she pulled away. "Please sit."

"You certainly picked a table with a whole lot of traffic." Sydney pointed out, hoping Jamie would offer to move.

Jamie sat down hoping that she would follow suit. He was not moving.

Sydney did sit down and tried to not roll her eyes. Maybe this had not been a good idea. "So, how have you been?" She asked him as she took her sunglasses off and put her purse behind her.

"I am very well, thank you." Jamie said. "Yourself? Still living in London?" He hated small talk but apparently, he was going to have to engage in some stupid and menial small talk.

"Yes. I made partner. I am happy. I do come to visit every few months." She continued: "This time though I just felt the necessity to reach out. I honestly don't know why. But I wanted to see what your life was like." _I wanted to see if you had moved on._

"Well I'm still with the NYPD and I made Sergeant not so long ago so it's a big promotion."

"That's great!" Sydney interrupted. "So, you're not thinking of ever going back to law? You can have it as a back-up plan."

 _Same old Sydney._ "Law is not a part of my current life. Don't get me wrong – it serves me well and it helps with the job. But I will never practice law. It's not in my blood. I love what I do and I am good at it. I may never have the lifestyle of a lawyer but I live comfortably." He didn't know why but he remembered Eddie's mom with this conversation.

"I didn't mean to imply anything Jamie. I just was curious. You decided long ago what you wanted and I made my own decision because of it."

Good. They were getting to the point now. "Listen…I have had a lot of time to think about how our break up went down and you did the right thing by leaving. We were not meant to be. I accepted that years ago and I even – and this might sound crass – am happy that you pulled the plug."

"Wow." Sydney exclaimed. She didn't know that it would sting to hear him say it. She knew that she had done the right thing for her. But to hear it coming from him well that hurt – just a tad.

"I am not saying that at the time it didn't devastate me. It most certainly did but as time passed, I came to realize that I was not the guy you had gone out with, dated and subsequently got engaged to. You were not cut out to be a cop's wife and I didn't give you the option. I was wrong for that. I think that's the reason I said yes to this meeting. I felt like I owed it to you to tell you that I had been selfish for once in my life and I lost you in the process. But I had to do it. For me. I am where I want to be Sydney."

"I felt so guilty for breaking up our engagement." Sydney confessed. "I loved you but I wasn't happy with the way our relationship was going. You were keeping secrets. You were shutting me out and I didn't know what to do. And then putting yourself in danger day in and day out and not letting me have a voice in that regard, well that really cemented – for me at least – that you had decided to live the life you wanted regardless of what I thought."

"When I met you and even after, I was doing things in my life – making decisions – to make other people happy. And when Joe died I realized that I had to live for me. That I had to make myself happy."

"You weren't following Joe's footsteps?"

"Joe was my idol. I won't deny that and he helped me form who I am today but no…being a cop is for me."

"Are you truly happy? _Without me?_

Jamie finally fully smiled and said: "Yes. I am truly happy. I am engaged to a wonderful woman and while it took us a while to get it together, now that we are, we are both ecstatic and looking forward to the next chapter in our lives.

"You're engaged?" Sydney whispered.

"Yes."

"Wow." Sydney said. "I'm sorry. I am stunned – I don't know what to say. I didn't know what to expect when I saw you but this news, I didn't expect." She said, honestly.

"It's okay. It's not comfortable talking about – and it's especially awkward us talking about it - but you asked if I was happy and she's the main reason why I am." He didn't continue even though he could out of respect for her. "How about you?" He asked her.

"I'm single." She admitted. "Dated a lot but never have found the one to get serious with. I hope to someday – as you have done."

"Thank you. And I wish that for you as well. Happiness."

"What's her name?"

"Eddie." Jamie said, and smiled as her name passed through his lips.

"Wow. You light up at the mention of her."

Jamie smiled again and looked down. He most certainly did and he knew it.

"How did you guys meet?"

"She was my partner."

"You guys met at work? She's a cop?"

"Yes."

"So, I guess she understands what it's like to be one."

Jamie nodded his head and said: "Yes. But it's more than that. A lot more actually. She is my equal and sometimes I think my superior in a lot of ways. She brings out a side of me that I had forgotten I had. And sometimes she'll drive me crazy but I keep on coming back. She gets me Sydney and for that I just simply adore her."

Sydney took a deep breath and smiled. Yes. Indeed, this is what she needed. Closure. Jamie had moved on. She was nothing but his past and he seemed truly happy. She could let go of the guilt she felt and let go of that small – tiny – shred of hope she held on to. She didn't know why she did but he had closed their chapter and now so could she.

"Jamie…thank you." She said, honestly. "I needed this. I know it has been over seven years but this conversation I think needed to happen – for the both of us. I am glad you have found happiness in your calling and found love again. I honestly felt so guilty and now I think I can finally breathe and know – without a doubt – that us breaking up freed us both. I wish you the best with Eddie. A lifetime of happiness."

"Thank you." He said, and got up from his chair. "It was good to see you Sydney. And you're right I think we both needed this."

Sydney got up and lightly touched his arm. "Be happy Jamie."

"You too." Jamie uttered as he made his way to the door. It only occurred to him as he stepped out into the street that they had not even ordered coffee. Oh well. He was on his way home. He wanted to see Eddie and kick Erin out if she was still there so he could tell her what happened and she could finally breathe again. Well okay maybe not kick Erin out immediately. He'd let her stay for dinner but after she was out. Because all he wanted to do was spend time and make love with his beautiful fiancé.

He got his phone out and sent a quick text: _On my way home. Meeting over. I love you. I will tell you all about it in a bit. Thank you for letting me do this. I didn't need closure but she may have._

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

"Okay sister in law – I'm not going to bother with the word future before that term – because to me you are already family." Erin said, as she handed Eddie her first glass of wine. "Spill."

"What do you mean?" Eddie said.

"You let me serve myself wine at your apartment. Normally you are the perfect hostess. Even though I tell you all the time that I can serve myself you insist. Today you didn't even get off the couch. I want to know what's on your mind. You're preoccupied and worried about something. Is it the wedding?"

Eddie didn't even deny it. "No. Guess who called Jamie this morning?"

Erin looked at Eddie and shrugged her shoulders. It had to be someone big because it was eating at Eddie.

"Sydney." Eddie spat out and semi rolled her eyes. She couldn't help it.

Erin almost spit out her wine. "Wait. What? Who?"

"Sydney." Eddie repeated. "And I am freaking out."

"What did she want?" Erin asked, truly confused. She had not thought of Sydney in a long time. For her as soon as she left her brother she became irrelevant in their lives. And for her to rear her ugly head now? Well that was fucking ridiculous.

"To see him and he's over there now. With her. And I'm FREAKING out."

Erin smiled and sat next to her on the couch. "Eddie…I will tell you one thing. I have never seen my brother happier than I have seen him with you. Not even with her. And I'll be honest. We respected her and got along with her because she was Jamie's fiancé back then. But trust me when I tell you that I speak for the whole family: we all believe that you are the best choice for Jamie. The way he looks at you? The way he laughs when you're around and even when you're not. You bring that out in him. We love you Eddie. All of us. And it's not only because you're great and fun and you fit right into our crazy family. It's because you made Jamie, well Jamie again. We have had so much loss and so much sadness. Seeing the light back in my little brother's eyes makes me immensely happy and immensely indebted to you."

"Erin, I love him so much. I know he loves me but man oh man. I think letting him go has been the hardest thing I've had to do."

"I know you love him. And I knew it even before you guys got together. I knew since the first-year you guys were riding together. You both were just so stubborn in admitting it. And I understand that you are panicking but you have nothing to worry about. My brother adores you."

"I wanted to be with your brother for forever. He just wouldn't admit it – that he also had feelings for me. Our partnership was important to him. I just loved him and having him in the RMP is what I had to work with. So, I took it. I may have been stubborn the first year but after that I was all in and waiting for him to come around."

Eddie felt her phone ding on the table and she picked it up: _On my way home. Meeting over. I love you. I will tell you all about it in a bit. Thank you for letting me do this. I didn't need closure but she may have._ Eddie smiled and looked at Erin. "Their meeting is over. He says he's on his way home."

"See? He wanted you to know exactly when they were finished. He didn't want you overthinking stuff. He only loves you Eddie."

"That's what he says." Eddie replied and sighed heavily. A huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. But not until she saw him walk in the door and could gauge his face would she truly be able to breathe. He couldn't hide what he was feeling from her anymore.

"Okay!" Eddie suddenly exclaimed, getting up from the couch and heading towards the kitchen. "Shall we order Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese or a pizza. I'm starving!"

Erin shook her head and chuckled. She was back to being the perfect hostess.

Eddie continued; "Let me pour you more wine. And I think I have some cheese and crackers and some honey roasted cashews. That'll hold us over until the food gets here and Jamie."

"Pizza sounds great actually. But maybe I should start heading out so you and Jamie can talk once he gets here."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Eddie said, as she rubbed her shoulder. "Jamie will probably tell you anyway. And now that I've confided in you, you have to deal with both of our issues so we may as well start now. Please, stay for dinner. The least I can do is feed you for helping me not jump off the ledge."

"I'll always be here for you." Erin said, as she closed the distance between them and hugged her. "We're sisters. And I am so glad that I can finally get to call you that. Secretly I've wanted to for years."

"Me too." Eddie said and continued: "I don't have siblings and being an only child, and sometimes a neglected one at that, it's so wonderful to be able to love all of you guys, not just Jamie. I mean I feel so blessed." Eddie said, as tears came to her eyes. It was the God to honest truth.

"Oh Eddie…" Erin whispered as her eyes also filled with tears and she hugged Eddie tightly. "I know we've all said this at one point but welcome to our family. We may be crazy at times, intense almost always, but no one else will love you or protect you as much as we will."

They both chuckled at that and didn't heart Jamie walk in. As Jamie turned towards them he scrunched up his face in concern for a moment before he smiled when he saw the expression on Erin's face. She was crying but smiling at the same time. What were they talking about?

"Hey you two…" he called out as he made his way to them. "Why are two of my three favorite girls crying?"

Both Eddie and Erin pulled apart and wiped their tears. "Hey…" Eddie whispered back to him as she saw him approach her and bend down to sweetly kiss her lips. It surprised her. He didn't even hesitate to do it in front of Erin. He then turned to Erin and without letting Eddie go he leaned over to kiss her on her cheek. "What's going on?"

"Nothing…" Erin said, immediately. "Sister bonding moment."

"Hey…" Eddie says suddenly as she further leaned into Jamie. "Two of your favorite three girls? It better not be Sydney…the third girl that's your favorite." She stated, as she lightly punched him in the shoulder.

Jamie and Erin both laughed and Jamie leaned down one more time to kiss her. "Nikki."

"Oh." Eddie said, sheepishly. "Sorry…"

"It's okay." Erin said. "I would be a bit off too if my fiancé went to see an ex-fiancé."

Jamie turned to look at Erin and gave her a dirty look. "Thanks sis." He said, as he let go of her and turned to Eddie. "Don't tell me you worried all this time. Babe I sent you a text a while ago. Nothing happened. It was fine. She saw me. She said her piece and it's done."

"What did she say? What did she want?" Eddie asked.

"Not much really. She asked me if I was happy. It was awkward – so awkward. I told her I was engaged and in love with my partner. She was surprised. Then shortly after she left. It wasn't more than 15 minutes."

"She didn't want you back?" Eddie asked.

"No." He said, but continued honestly. "She asked me if I ever had any intention of going back to law. I told her no. She let it go."

Erin laughed. "Same ole' passive aggressive Sydney. Wait till Nikki finds out she reached out. She's going to rip you a new one for going."

"Wait. Why?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, Nikki has always been very protective of her Uncle Jamie. And while she may have been young, Nikki remembers Sydney well and she remembers that she wasn't her favorite person even while they were engaged. But when her and Jamie broke up, seeing her Uncle Jamie sad, well that enraged her. She has let's just say some animosity towards her. But…after you came along – and even before you two were engaged – Nikki was rooting for the two of you. Her knowing that she made a reappearance is not going to go over smoothly. She is very much #teameddie. And just the thought of her interfering between the two of you. Watch out! If Sydney doesn't leave for London soon, Nikki may very well go and kick her ass."

"I knew I loved that girl for a reason." Eddie said, as she made her way to the living room. "Come on over guys. Let's take a seat while we wait for the pizza to get here. Babe, I invited Erin to stay over for dinner."

"That's great!" Jamie said, as he side hugged his sister. "You're always welcome here."

"She actually wanted to leave because she thought we may want to talk in private."

"She'd have found out anyway."

"Exactly what I said." Eddie said, as she winked her eye at Erin. She was finally feeling better about this situation and was ecstatic that it was over. They would go in depth into what happened at the coffee shop – her and Jamie - but for now she was happy to know that her fiancé was home and she had him all to herself again.

They both joined Eddie in the living room and she got up and served Jamie a cup of wine and came to refill Erin's glass and hers. "So, Erin…enough of me being sad and bummed about Sydney. It's over…tell us what's up in your life?"

"Well…" she began…

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

After Jamie walked Erin to the door he came and sat next to Eddie and pulled her towards him. "Are you okay for real?"

Eddie smiled at him. "Yes. I am okay for real. It was not a good day. It was hard and I was freaking out but you and Erin calmed me down. I just sometimes feel that this…between us is so perfect and nothing or anyone can come between us and then poof! Sydney out of the blue pops up."

"Nothing and no one can ever tear us apart Eddie. You need to trust that. I would have never reached out to her but she did to me. And I accommodated her and she said her piece and now it's done and she truly has no reason to ever reach out to me again."

"She wanted you back didn't she? Or at least gauge the temperature. See how you would react to her? She asked you if you would return to law because that's what she wants and she envisions that you would go back to the life you and her had formed."

"Whoa. It seems you're getting ahead of yourself there babe. I don't know what she wanted. She did ask me about returning to law and I did see some nostalgia on her part. But Eddie on my part? There was nothing and she saw that too. I love you and I want to be with you. I have formed a life that includes you in every aspect of my life. At work and outside of work. You are everywhere I am and I want it that way and I am going to fight to keep it that way. I just hope that I don't have to spend the rest of my life trying to convince you of that."

"You won't. And you know for a fact I was fine. You had no displays of jealousy or insecurity from me up until today. But you have to admit that it was warranted."

Jamie nodded his head. "Can we please go back to forgetting about her? Can we move forward with you and me? Can we please concentrate on us?"

"I love you Jameson Reagan." Eddie said, as she kissed him and straddled his lap suddenly. "You, ae mine. As of today, I claim you as my own."

'I thought you did that years ago."

"Well yes…but it's official now."

"Whatever you say Mrs. Reagan."

"That definitely has a nice ring to it."

"I love you."

"I love you Jamie."

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**One Shots**_

 _ **Installment 9**_

 _ **This installment is strictly on the preview that came out on 1/10/19. I am not happy with it and it seems that while I am stuck with no inspiration for my other fan fictions, when I am mad, I feel like writing an angsty fiction. So, two things: one – this fan fiction has spoilers from the preview when Jamie and Eddie are at a prospective venue for their wedding. And two, I am not sure that I want it to be happy or have a happy ending so be forewarned. I may change my mind but I only go where my head and typing takes me. I am treating it as a One Shot for now but may deviate endings on this particular story, add on to it and make multi chapter or just end it. Not sure.**_

 _ **Also, keep in mind that this is just a preview and they may end up making up at that same scene or at the end of the scene and I hope that happens. So, I guess this fan fiction will be set like the preview but take a life of its own since I am not sure what is going to happen on Friday.**_

 _ **I own nothing, I just love Jamko and when they piss me off…well this happens!**_

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

A brunch? Did Jamie really say that to her out loud? A damn brunch? After everything they've been through. After years of unrequited love, or requited love, but keeping it to themselves. It hit her in the gut and it hurt. That Jamie would think so little of their big day. It was their wedding. The day they told everyone they held dear and loved that they were one. That they were husband and wife. She wanted no more secrets. She felt that their whole relationship, before getting together, before getting engaged and even after their engagement was all a secret and she was done. She didn't care anymore about the repercussions at work. She just wanted it over. But Jamie? Jamie seemed to dig his heels in more the more time transpired. It was as if he wanted to keep them secret still and just let their families know. After all this sneaking around, she was going to develop a complex. That he was embarrassed of her or worse yet that he was regretting proposing.

They didn't have a normal relationship from the get go. They jumped into an engagement immediately and they had not dated. She always thought that it wasn't necessary because the five years that they spent in the RMP was their dating per se. But now? Did he even know her? Before she would have put her hands in the fire stating that Jamie was the one person that knew her inside and out. But a brunch? Calling their wedding day, a waste? She didn't know that to do. All she knew was that she needed to get out of there. She looked at the event manager and smiled: "My fiancé will be back in a few seconds. I have to run. Something came up. But thank you so much for taking the time to let us see the venue. It is gorgeous and we will be in touch."

The event manager knew better than to say a word and smiled. "I look forward to hearing from you both. Hope all is okay."

"It is. Thanks." She quickly grabbed her coat and purse and headed towards the escalator. She wanted out of here. She didn't want to talk to Jamie right now and he deserved her leaving. He had been a jackass, an insensitive one at that. And truth be told she had a lot of thinking to do. This feeling – bad feeling – in the pit of her stomach was growing bigger and bigger and the knots harder and harder. Things were not perfect between them. She had known that for a while but this change in him? Without any warning? It unnerved her. She had no doubt that she wanted to marry him. She just wasn't sure anymore if he wanted to marry her. She wasn't stupid. Jamie was very closed off when it came to his emotions. He didn't wear them on his sleeve like she did, but lately? She felt a distance in him that scared her a bit. And at first she brushed it off at possibly having a few issues at work that stressed him out and had him a bit distant. But this? This was about them? About how different they were and about how lately she felt that the only one in this relationship was her. The only one giving a damn was her.

Her eyes filled with tears but she refused to let them flow. She didn't want anyone to see her crying. She was strong. And she would be strong come what may. She made it out the doors of the venue and thankfully quickly hailed a cab.

"Where to?"

"Would you mind just driving?" Eddie stated. "I'll pay. And once I know where the hell I'm going I'll let you know."

The cab driver looked at her and smiled genuinely. "No problem miss. You just let me know."

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie looked at his watch one more time. It has been over five minutes since Eddie had walked away from him. Where was she? He knew – as soon as the words flew out of his mouth – that he had fucked up. What was wrong with him? Why? Why had he said that? Why was he being such a jackass? What he said had come out all wrong.

He saw when the event manager came towards him and offered him a small smile. "Oh. You're still here? I guess you wanted to see the skyline, envisioning how beautiful it could be on your wedding day?"

Jamie nodded his head truly confused at the situation but not wanting to make a fool of himself. As a cop he knew if he stayed quiet, it would almost inevitably make the other person continue to talk.

"I'm just saying since I saw your fiancé leave and hail a cab."

Oh.

Jamie smiled as he walked to the same table that Eddie had placed her coat and purse and looked at the event manager – who for the life of him right now could not remember her name. And he didn't care. Right now, he needed to find Eddie. He fucked up more than he had thought. He turned to the woman and said: "Thank you for your time. We will be in touch."

He made his way to the outside of the building his cell phone in his hand and sped dialed 1 – Eddie's number. It rang once, twice and straight to voicemail. She had declined his call. Shit. Had what he said really sound unreasonable? Was he being overly dense? What was going on? He sped dialed her number again and the same thing happened. Straight to voicemail. He knew that Eddie would never shut off her cell phone. It was the cop in them. Third time is the charm, he thought to himself and re-dialed. Voicemail. Okay, so voicemail it was: "Eddie…come on. You have to pick up the phone. You need to tell me what I did so I can fix it. Call me back, please."

He got into the Chevelle and sighed out loud. He gripped the steering wheel and then punched it. He had this bad feeling in his gut and all his insecurities were coming to the forefront. He hadn't been fighting much with Eddie lately but they hadn't been doing much of anything lately, except have sex. There were no issues there. And why should there be? They waited five years so regardless of disagreements or fights or misunderstandings, at night they came together and all was forgotten. It just seemed that everywhere else they were not communicating and masking it with pretending all was okay. And it was starting to feel eerily familiar to Sydney and him and their breakup. And if he lost Eddie? He would be lost. He was the common denominator in this scenario. Losing Sydney well that had been rough there was no denying that. But Eddie? Eddie was everything. He couldn't live without her. He couldn't breathe without her. And something in his gut was telling him that if he didn't fix this, he was running the risk of losing her. No. No. That was just his fear talking. Right?

It was crazy to think how happy and giddy Eddie had woken up this morning. He had as well. And then after his talk with Officer Long, it just made sense to not spend that much money on a wedding. To start their future with money in the bank, the option to buy something bigger and the savings to be able to raise a family. That was practical. He was practical. But she wasn't. No, she was but this was the most important day of their life – their wedding – and she deserved to be a little impractical there. He closed his eyes and took his phone out again and saw that no phone call had come through. He opened the text message icon: _"Eddie please. Where are you? You can't just leave. I need to know where you are. We need to talk."_

That damn golf ball at the pit of his stomach had just grown to a football.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Eddie heard Jamie's voicemail and read his subsequent text. She was not calling him. Let him stew in his worry about how much he fucked up. She wasn't calling him. "You can drop me off here." Eddie stated. Elsa was as good a bar as any right now. Besides, at this time? It had a reputation of being a quiet bar and all she wanted was a drink - by herself - and to finally sort all of her thoughts. The ones that honestly, she had been suppressing for a while. The ones that she didn't bring out to the light – even to herself – for fear of what it may bring if she ran with the thoughts and gave herself a stern lecture on what the fuck was going on with her.

Eddie walked in and had to smile to herself. Two people only. Great. "What can I get you?" She heard the bartender say as he smiled at her. She sat down on a bar stool and answered: "Tito's vodka with club soda and a lemon."

"Coming right up."

"Thanks."

She pondered for a few seconds if she should at least reply to Jamie and let him know where she was. But she quickly discarded that notion and took a sip of her drink.

She couldn't pinpoint a time where things had gone haywire with Jamie. Actually, she didn't think things were that bad with Jamie, with the exception of his being distant all of a sudden. She understood the work thing to an extent but they had been engaged for almost half a year and they still were not out. Why? What was the big deal? If she was honest with herself she did wonder if they would be married and still have their marriage under-wraps. Was this why he wanted to have a brunch and get married at the courthouse? So, no one at work could find out. Well Maya sure as hell had figured it out. She hated lying and it seemed that's all they were doing lately.

"Can I have another?" she asked the bartender.

He went to her and smiled. "That was fast. All okay?"

Eddie looked at him and smiled. "Life. You know. I just want to do a bit of soul searching and figure out my life."

"Well your husband is one lucky guy."

"He's my fiancé but thanks."

"I'll get that drink for you."

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie walked into his apartment hoping that Eddie would be there. He had gone to her condo first. After their fight at the diner she had told him she was going to her house. When he let himself in, everything was untouched and there was no trace of her. He immediately exited her condo and made his way to his place. If she was there, maybe she wasn't as mad as he thought she was. And to be honest with himself, it didn't even seem she was mad. Her face said, she was hurt. But he had been thinking about their conversation and he had called their actual wedding day a waste. He outwardly flinched as he remembered that. "Fuck." He said out loud.

He could of course talk to Erin and see what she thought but he needed someone less politically correct. He needed his ass kicked. He knew it and the one to do that was Danny. He picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello?" Danny said, as he muted the TV.

"I fucked up and I need your advice."

"Okaaaayyyy…" Danny said, as he got up off the couch. "You're not calling Erin?"

"No, this fuck up needs no politically correct bullshit. I fucked up royally."

"Come on over Jamie." Danny said. "Listen you have me a bit worried here." He stated and then laughed: "What? Is the wedding off?" Danny finalized, with a big laugh.

When he didn't hear Jamie laugh back he stopped. "Jamie?"

"I don't know."

"What?!" Danny screamed. "Are you at home?"

"Yep." Jamie said, as he finally felt some semblance of pain in admitting to his brother that he did not know where his engagement was at.

"Don't leave! Don't do anything stupid. I'll be there in 20. Sooner if I put on my lights. Which I fucking will."

Danny then hangs up and grabs his jacket and speeds out the door. "What the fuck did you do baby brother? Sometimes you're too into you head and you need help getting out of it. Jesus Christ." He says to himself.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

 _J – It's been hours babe. Hours. At least let me know that you're ok. I'm beside myself with worry. Eddie please. Call me._

Minutes seemed days to Jamie, years if he was honest. Not knowing a thing about Eddie was scaring the shit out of him. He knew in his gut she wasn't hurt. He would know that. That's how in tune they were with one another but her not replying to his texts or calls? This got more serious as the minutes went by and he was starting to freak out. He felt he was about to hyperventilate. Fuck. At this point he would pay the 100K for the wedding, apologize and tell her he loved and adored her and he would do whatever she wanted. But in truth he knew that's not what she wanted to hear. She wanted something from him – something he hadn't been giving her and while he had an inkling that it was his undivided attention. He knew deep in his gut that it was more than that. He was lacking in something in their relationship and he needed to figure out what it was. Before he lost her. If he hadn't already lost her.

"Let me in kid!" He heard Danny yell from the door.

He automatically got up. "I ran here but didn't forget to bring all the beer I had in my fridge cause I have a feeling we're gonna need it. What the hell happened kid?"

Jamie went into the whole story without stopping, without drinking and leaving anything out. Once he was done he finally opened his beer and took a large swig of it and nodded his head. "Well?"

Danny looked at him dazed for a few seconds and then swallowed and took another swig. "You said brunch? Brunch?!"

"Yep."

"What the fuck is wrong with you kid? Oh my God. I mean come on! Eddie is spilling all her energy into this wedding and you come out with it's a waste of a day. A waste of a day? Your wedding day! I mean Jamie tell me right now bro, do you want to marry her or are you regretting proposing?"

"Of course, I want to marry her!" Jamie yelled out. "I love her more than I love myself. She is fucking everything to me."

"Doesn't seem like it." Danny pointed out. "Truth?"

Jamie nodded.

"What are you afraid of Jamie? Why is it so hard for you to be happy? To feel happy? To let yourself just glow in the fact that you finally got the girl. You've wanted the girl for years and now that you have her you're pushing her away. I don't get it. I know you love her bro. I know you do and so does she. But this whole lying about who she is. Not telling anyone - only the family – and maybe a few good friends has to weigh on her. If I had pulled that shit with Linda she would have left me."

"It's different."

"Why?"

"Because we're both cops. Because we work in the same precinct. Because I'm her boss. There's a thousand reasons."

"Bullshit. It's all bullshit. How about you tell me the truth?"

"What truth?" Jamie asked defensively. "That is the truth."

"And I say it's bullshit!" Danny yelled right back. You forget that I have known you your whole life. You may have the smarts but I know you Jameson Reagan and I know when you're bullshitting me and when you're bullshitting yourself. So, get it together Jamie and try again! What the fuck is the matter?! Cause if you don't, brother, you're going to lose her. And I'll be honest, I was sad for you with Sydney but I always wanted and knew you'd do better. You let Eddie go and there is no one better. She's the one Jamie. And you're completely fucking it up. You won't bounce back from this one."

"I know! All right?! I know!" He said, as he flung the empty bottle of beer in to the sink. He felt his eyes start to fill with tears and his throat close up. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't in front of Danny.

"Talk to me Jamie." Danny said, as he put his hand on his shoulder and said it a bit more gently: "Please talk to me. Is it really the money? I mean I don't have much but I will help you out."

"It's not the money."

"Then what is it?"

"Lately I've been second guessing everything that I've done career wise. And then it gets better and then something else happens. And then I doubt again."

"So now you're doubting your engagement?"

"NO!" Jamie said, immediately. "That's the one thing I am sure of." He acknowledged. "But I don't know Danny. I really only meant that maybe we should think to the future and the way I said it came out wrong and that saving money for me has been what I do. What I've always done. That I don't need anything extravagant I just want her."

"So, tell her that."

"But I think…" Jamie started as his breath caught in his throat. "I think this has opened up a Pandora's box for her. And she may be the one calling it off. And I started thinking about how things went south quick with Sydney and I never thought that things would go down with Eddie but here we are. And I don't know what to do. I called her like a dozen times and I get voicemails and I've texted her and no reply. I don't know what to do."

"That sister in law of mine – and I'm not saying future – cause in my book she already is full blown sister in law, she waited for you five years Jamie. She loves you. You just need to tell her what you're feeling and ask her what she thinks you're lacking. Or what the problem is and fix it."

"Did you ever go through this with Linda?"

"God yes! Have you fucking met me?"

Jamie finally smiled.

"Hold on." He heard Danny say as he picked up his phone. "Did you know that your wife made it to my number 8 on my speed dial list? You gotta marry her now." In spite of his pain, Jamie rolled his eyes and half smiled.

Eddie heard her cell phone and semi-smiled. She was already on her way to Jamie's in a cab. "Hello?"

"Well hello there sis in law! Glad you picked up for me. Can you please give me your location?"

Jamie automatically got close to Danny hearing that she had picked up his call. Danny rolled his eyes and put it on speaker phone. "I am heading to Jamie's now."

"Thought this was both of your place." Danny pointed out. "In a marriage you share everything."

"Tell Jamie not to worry. I'll be there soon. Cause I assume you're there with him since you put me on speaker phone."

"You're gonna make a great detective sis! Love you. Bye!"

He hung up before Jamie could get a word in. "I didn't want you talking to her before she got here. You guys need to hash this out and you need to make her feel special Jamie. I think you really hurt her with your comments even though you didn't mean it that way. I'm gonna go cause three's a crowd when you guys need to talk. Keep me posted."

"Thanks Danny." Jamie said, as he hugged his brother. "I can't believe she picked up for you."

"We're family. And she's not mad at me. She's mad at you."

Jamie nodded his head as he walked Danny to the door. "Thanks for talking me off the ledge."

"You'll get it together. You love her too much to give up."

"You're right about that brother."

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_

Jamie heard Eddie put her key in the door and simultaneously tensed up and breathed a sigh of relief. He got up off the couch and turned towards the door watching her come in. She looked so lovely in her dress. And he was so head over heels in love with her he didn't know what to do with himself. A sigh of relief escaped him. He had really wondered if he would ever see her walk in that door again. That is how scared he was.

Eddie turned up to look at him as she put her purse down and took her coat off. "Sorry I walked out on you."

"Where did you go?" Jamie asked, not sure if he had the right to ask that but he wanted to know.

"Went for a few drinks. Had to think about some stuff."

"What stuff?" Jamie said.

"You. Me. Us. Is there an us? What the hell we're even doing anymore."

Jamie sprang into action and headed towards her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. What I said came out wrong. So wrong."

Eddie pulled back from him just a bit and that stopped him cold. "Really? You didn't mean that our wedding day would be a wasted day."

"No!" Jamie said, as he tried to approach her again and she backed away. "I was just trying to say that with some of the money we could use it to buy a house. I was in no way saying that the day would be a waste."

And then he saw it. The tears in her eyes. And he heard the pain in her voice. And then his heart simultaneously froze and broke into a million pieces as she looked down at her left hand, palm up and with her right hand started sliding the ring off of her left ring finger. The ring that he had put on her all those months ago with so much hope and love in his face and in his heart.

He heard his voice crack and felt the tears slide down his cheeks, as he uttered: "Please. Don't. Don't do it Eddie. I love you babe. Please don't do this."

Eddie finally approached him as tears ran down her own face. "I love you Jamie. More than my own life but I can't do this if you're not here with me. If you don't want to be here with me." She finalized as she reached for his hand.

Jamie automatically snatched his hand away and balled it up into a fist. "No. You are not giving me the ring back Eddie. No."

"Jamie…" Eddie started. "Do you even want to marry me? Truly? Or is it just because you already gave me your word?" she asked, as she made her way to the kitchen counter and laid her engagement ring there. She never really thought she would take it off unless she was on duty. "Because if that's the case. I release you from your obligation."

Jamie had enough. "Stop it." He said, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and turned her around, seeing her tears flow freely; as well as feeling his go down his cheeks. "I love you. I don't want to lose you. I don't know how this got to this point but I know it's not only what I said at the venue. It's something else. Tell me what it is. We can figure it out."

Eddie tried to break free but Jamie apparently tonight was a force of nature. He was not letting go of her. "It's been months Jamie. Months. And I'm still in the shadows at work. Defending you but people not knowing why. Getting accused by my partner of fucking you but not having a relationship with you. Having the same gossip that we had at the 1-2 start at the 2-9. As always, I am your whore."

Jamie flinched at that but still didn't let her go. "Eddie…you were never nor will you ever be that. You're going to be my wife."

"Am I?"

"What do you mean?"

"Am I going to be your wife just for the Reagan's and the Janko's or is brunch going to include at least Spencer and Hailey?"

"Are you mad that we're not out – we agreed."

"No Jamie! You agreed. The same way you agreed that we would continue riding together making it so difficult with your dad when I told you I only wanted you and what did I get then? A shrug of your shoulders. The same way that at the 2-9 I've been wanting for weeks, if not months, to come clean at least with Maya and I still haven't because you don't want to."

"It will be difficult and you will be the target not me. I'm trying to protect you." Jamie answered, honestly.

"Are you? Or are you ashamed of me? Or are you embarrassed to have your future wife under you not only in bed but also at work?"

Jamie felt like he had been slapped in the face. That one hurt him maybe more than anything she had ever told him before. "I am not embarrassed of you. That is not true. That couldn't be farther from the truth."

"Really? Cause I remember the first time I went to visit you at the 2-9 you were closing blinds and mad that I went to see you and deliberately trying to get rid of me. And then at the scene where you were almost shot and I went to you, you really put some distance there. And I got it – cause fuck, we're not out so why the hell should an officer who is your subordinate be so concerned about her superior unless they're fucking. And we come full circle Jamie."

Jamie was about to answer but Eddie interrupted him: "And if you're about to tell me that it was a mistake to come to the 2-9 please spare me. Cause I've heard it and it's a bunch of bullshit and whether I'm there or not or whether I am under your command or not, it won't change a thing. It's not the precinct Jamie, it's you and me. And what I am lacking I guess."

Jamie pushed them back because he was not letting go of her and grabbed the ring. "I love you Eddie. More than you'll ever know. And I know I've fucked up. And I know that I have gone about things all wrong apparently and I am so sorry for that but you and me? That's real. You and me? We're real and if you're telling me I am making you feel that you're lacking then I am the one who's lacking because you are it for me. Everything. And I am not going to let you go. I am not going to allow you to walk away from me. You belong with me. And it's not some macho psycho- babble bullshit. You are mine. And I am yours and I want you in my life forever. And I'm sorry I've been a jackass and I'm sorry I've been insensitive and not cognizant of your feelings but I promise all of that is going to change."

"Jamie please let me go."

"No."

"Jamie…please."

"Eddie…please. I don't want this ring off of your finger. I want to marry you. I want to be your husband and I want to have children with you. And I want you to be by my side for the rest of our lives. Please, Eddie, please. What can I do?"

And there it was. The question she had wanted to hear. The only thing she would respond to. A genuine and heartfelt 'what can I do'.

"Jamie, I need you to talk to me. I need you to hear me. I need you to heed my advice and not tell me that you don't want to hear it. I need you to let me in. I am not going to hurt you. I want to love you and spend the rest of my life with you. I am not Sydney. I am staying but you need to let me in. You need to let me love you and you need to trust me. To trust that we can accomplish anything together. And that I am the one that is going to back you up – always and forever. I need you to love me unconditionally as I love you. And if I fuck up tell me. But don't berate me, or put distance between us or make me second guess what I have done. I love you. But I can't do this and I won't do this if things are going to continue the way they are. I will walk away right now if you can't promise me that."

"I promise you with my whole heart that I will do that. I will try and if I fail you tell me instead of letting it fester inside of you till now. I never want to have this ring between my fingers again. This ring is my token of love and devotion to you. So please Eddie, please, please honey, I need to ask you: will you marry me?"

Eddie choked down a sob and failed miserably. "Yes. Yes. I'll marry you Jamie." She said, as Jamie slid the ring where it should have been. Even her not having it for five minutes felt like an eternity for the both of them.

Jamie leaned down and kissed her hard as both of them felt their tears mingle into one another's. "I love you so much." They both said at the same time and laughed as they came towards each other once again and kissed passionately.

 _ **Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko**_


End file.
